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rimalaw · 4 years ago

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Why this Non-Trump Voter Thinks Trump Could Win 2020

I am a registered independent and both parties have ideals I agree with, and sadly those I don’t. Therefore, I am always left out and just looking for who will better support some of the more important values that I believe in. I did not vote for Trump, and because I need healthcare (among other things), I cannot support a man who wants to destroy the healthcare plan that I am on, without a real plan in place that will protect people with pre-existing conditions. Trump says ObamaCare is a horrible program! But what the heck has he offered??? Nothing! I can't take small talk to the doctor or hospital if and when you take away my health plan, and have to wait for small business enrollment in Florida (1x a year) to kick in and charge me tons of money to cover my pre-existing condition!

When Bush was President, health insurance was costing me over $1,200/month, and now under the Affordable Care Act (a/k/a Obama Care which is really why Trump hates it... it doesn’t have his NAME!!), I am paying approximately $600.00 a month for a really good plan. Make no mistake, by now my plan would cost AT LEAST $1400.00-$1500.00, since I am 16-20 years older than when Bush was President. Let me not forget how Obamacare saved the life of my best friend, who would otherwise NOT have gone to the doctor, and not have discovered a life threatening illness, which but for the Grace of God, she did. Because of her health plan, she received the best care and treatment, and thank God survived one of the worst diagnosis one could get. She got the plan two (2) weeks before she went to the doctor! This is what Trump wants to take away! Trump wants to take away lifesaving care without a REAL PLAN in place to help millions of Americans.

And make no mistake; sadly, I think people who are on that plan, who rely on this plan, who have family or friends who need that plan, etc. etc. will still NAIVELY and IGNORANTLY vote for Trump.

Why do I think that enough people would vote for Trump and that he can win? Well... Let’s think about it:

1-He is campaigning like a high energy Super Bowl Team in all the swing states, bringing with him his own type of electrifying energy, electrifying his base, and those who are still on the fence and can feel some of that electricity as the attendees and media blare their excitement of his visit. Make no mistake, these visits matter. When I ran for Judge 14 years ago, I was an unknown an the youngest in my race. I didn’t have the type of ethnic or Anglo name needed to win in my County. However, every area that I was able to heavily campaign in, make speeches, meet people, I WON. I didn’t win that election, but I won those areas. So I realized that meeting people matters, and in this race, make no mistake, these super spreader events excite people. They don’t care about COVID while they are there, and for the most part have learned to live with it. They just care that the biggest Super Bowl team came to their town and made them feel GOOD! I know Biden has toured, but I’m sorry it doesn’t come close. I know he was doing social distancing etc, but the car thing isn’t exciting nor generating the amount of crowds and energy that it needs.

2-COVID- yes believe it or not, without COVID, Trump might have been up in the polls without issue. Then COVID happened which threw him down in the polls, and then his apparent lack of handling it, threw him even further down. Then he got COVID, and believe it or not, even though he didn’t seize the opportunity to come out more contrite, which would have assured him a win, he still earned a lot of points. How: A) because America saw him as human and actually felt scared for their President (even some of the ones that didn’t vote for him); B) America got to see that he BEAT IT! Yes, he has the best doctors and treatment etc, but America saw that this 74 year old overweight man, who got sick enough to need treatment, still BEAT IT! So now America sees COVID (foolishly or not) not to be so feared, which deep down everyone wants to believe. These two results of Trump getting COVID actually earned him voters as people felt scared for him and then happy at his beating COVID, signaling the Country and they could too could slay this dragon; and finally C) people are seeing the country economically recover and attributing this to his lack of fear of COVID, and the desire to keep the country out of lockdown which most Americans are fed up with.

3-Fracking- For the love of God Joe, you don’t denounce fracking like that when you need the swing states in the way that you do. Instead you CONFIDENTLY say, “don’t worry, our plan is to slowly bring in safe alternate sources of energy while we freely train current workers and so many more (as we will have so many jobs created) to transition into great and even BETTER paying safer jobs. NO ONE WILL LOSE ONE JOB, and I can guarantee even BETTER Jobs for you all.” But instead, you have Trump in Pennsylvania, and other swing states scaring people that they will lose their jobs.

4-Law and Order-Make no mistake, I believe the police have systemic racism and needs serious training and overhauling. But Biden and Democrats need to COMPLETELY distance themselves from the anarchist propaganda of defunding the police. That was NEVER a train to ride. From the first use of those words, BIDEN should have never bitten, not even a nibble. Now with the visual of businesses boarding up, Trump is touting about these rioters and giving the illusion to those voters less capable to comprehend the difference, that this is what the Democrats, i.e. Joe are doing and allowing. From the get go, Dems and Joe should have aggressively, I mean hot tooting crazy like attacked and distances themselves from it.

5-COVID AGAIN-I wear masks (2), I barely go out, etc, but like most Americans, we are tired of hearing about COVID. When that is all that you hear, gloom and doom, and Biden talks about dark days, it just doesn’t sit so well. Strangely enough, to people on the fence now, Trump seems like the guy that wants to give you freedom and a cheery positive outlook of life, while the Democrats, CNN, MSNBC, etc., are painting this bleak picture and more lockdowns, that no one wants to keep hearing about.

6-The Darn Polls- So many polls tooting a Biden victory whether true or not, are only making on the fence people, the lazy, the unmotivated, the unenergized Democratic voters say, “they don’t need me, ... I’m not so excited.. or Biden will win anyway.” Meanwhile, the Trump supporters are freaking out and making sure they show up in massive droves to help their Super Bowl Team, I mean their guy. Plus, any poll should really discount a lot of points away from Biden, because really, there are a lot of paranoid secretive, conspiracy believing, or seemingly ashamed Trump voters who will not participate. Remember, a bleeding hard liberal is more likely to be kind to a pollster and answer a poll; and a right winger will say, “I have nothing to say, leave me alone,” hang up, etc...

7-Socialism-Kill this socialism crap- The Dems should have killed this idea long ago, and Biden should have been VERY ASSERTIVE and vocal about how he is for middle of the road values (yes I know this might alienate the Bernie people, but that’s what Bernie is for. And if this party is so crazy to sit out and let Trump win because Biden isn’t left enough, well then the party has bigger issues which no amount of therapy can fix).

8-The last Debate- Trump basically showed people he is not so crazy, he can have restraint, he wasn’t rude. People who were running away from him after the first debate or on the fence, came back after he showed America and the world that he isn’t so bad.

9-Strength and POWER- Basically, aside from the fact that Trump often appears to be a bully, lately, more than anything he has shown stamina and strength. People like that, and want to join the stronger looking team, and the man that never ever seems to stop, and confidently never takes NO for an answer. People, like to support the one that appears to never back down, never accept defeat, never look weak, and never quit!

10-Too many people believe his lies, those of the crazies on Facebook, and the alt right that disseminate the worst of the fake news. Sadly THE DEMS DON'T STRONGLY and DEFINITIVELY ATTACK THEM!! Every talking point should have been hit with a barrage of targeted commercials and aggressive stump speeches. People need to be told for example, “TRUMP brags about the economy, he hopes you have amnesia and forget that OBAMA left him with a booming economy, and only an untrained monkey could ruin it. All Trump did was NOT destroy it YET, but his tax cuts to the MILLIONAIRES (not you AMERICA making under 400k) will cause us a depression if he is in office four more years because you can only pay so much to help the country without having income we used to rely on coming in.”

Well, that’s all folks. I hope I am wrong, but if it doesn’t go as the untrustworthy polls show, these are some of the main reasons why. These points are for that small percentage that pick the winner in most Presidential elections, not for the firmly committed of either party. Also, if Biden doesn’t win, then those who protested this summer did not all come out to vote, and that’s shameful!

#trump2020 #election2020 #2020 presidential election #stoptrump #Trumpcanwin

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snkpolls · 5 years ago

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SnK Chapter 120 Poll Results

The chapter 120 poll closed with 1,375 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,314 Responses

This chapter is less popular than most, possibly due to its abrupt ending and feeling of incompletion. Still, 86.5% of the fandom rated it a four or five making it another solid contribution to the series as a whole.

PATHS are awesome, but I hope there's a satisfying narrative payoff to its inclusion

A lot of mixed opinions on this chapter from everybody, but I personally loved it. It went by fast but it's something you gotta read a few times just to get a good feel on it.

Best chapter since Attack on Liberio

I LOVED this chapter. Paths explained! Baby Eren! Little Mikasa! The OG Levi Squad! School caste Armin and Mikasa!!! I literally began to cackle when Eren straight up told Zeke his plan was stupid. I loved it, I've been waiting for that moment ever since ch114.

Character expressions were beautiful. Isayama's art keeps improving.

Easily one of my top 5 favorite chapters. The artwork was fantastic, the double crossings had me shook, & the Paths converging at the Coordinate is Yggdrasil. Love it!

Felt way too short and paths just got more confusing

I actually had to count the number of pages because I couldn't believe it was over yet. Seemed so short! But at the same time, many questions were answered.

Timeloop theory is out, multiverse theory is in! :)

This chapter was a gift from Isayama to all the Jaeger fans. Thanks Isayama.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,342 Responses

18% of the fandom was thrilled to see Eren reiterate his “born into this world” sentiment as he rejected Zeke’s ideology. 16% found themselves moved by Zeke hearing Grisha apologize to him in his dreamstate. 14.6% were excited to see Eren rejecting Zeke’s plan, and at a near-tie 9.9% most enjoyed Zeke pulling a double betrayal on Eren, while 9.8% loved the moment when Eren woke up to see the Coordinate in front of him.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ZEKE CATCHING EREN’S HEAD? 1,323 Responses

It was a meme, and now it’s canon. What did you all think of the resolution to last month’s cliffhanger? 42.2% felt it was a bit goofy but still worked, 29.5% thought it was amazing, 16.5% liked the moment but wish it had flowed better and not cut up over chapters, and only 7% thought it was absolutely ridiculous.

All those times playing catch with Mr Xaver really paid off!

It wasn't bad but just hilarious how memes have predicted it

I guessed it would happen after finishing reading chapter 119. In AoT nothing goes the way the characters want it, except for the Yeager bros.

I thought it was really heartbreaking and absolutely traumatizing.

I was very sad for Zeke at that moment, he seems in deep despair, there was no way to know that it would work to make Eren's survive. It was obviously more instinctive like Colt wanting to hug with his brother while he knows it will cause his death than reflexive

I totally called it and was thrilled it really happened

It was expected, but I believe we can't fully know how to feel because it's still a moment in development. I mean, it makes sense, it was the only move. We all saw it coming but it doesn't take anything from the awesomeness

Great payoff to Zeke's obsession with baseball

Eren could have given him a heads up... Zeke almost didn't catch him

WHICH ‘FROZEN IN AN INSTANT” MOMENT ARE YOU MOST EXCITED TO SEE PLAY OUT? 1,330 Responses

When the action returns to the battle, the majority of the fandom are eager to see “Armin and Mikasa vs. The Cart” (27.4%) and “The aftermath of Gabi’s shot” (26.7%) play out. On a more lighthearted note, was “that one bird” (3.7%) received more votes than “Niccolo and the Braus family” (1.6%).

WHICH TITAN MEMORY MOMENT WERE YOU MOST EXCITED TO SEE? 1,328 Responses

“Mikasa from chapter 1” was not only the largest memory shard, but also the moment we were most excited to see (24.3%). “Present day Historia” was our second choice (19.9%) and “The mysterious dark haired boy” was third (12.4%). At the other end of the spectrum, once again “those birds” rule, beating out “the horse” (0.4%), “the ocean” (0.8%), “that bowl of food” (0.2%), “the colossal titan peering over the wall” (1.1%) and “that one person in the bottom left (1.1%) Faye (0.6%), the blimp (0.1%), the basement key (0.4%), Jean’s horse face (0.9%) and even Hange (0.5%).

WHO IS THE BOY NEXT TO MIKASA IN THE MEMORY SHATTER? 1,303 Responses

“A child from the Mid East Alliance” has taken the majority (31.8%) with Rod Reiss and Tom Xaver following, each with about a quarter of the vote. Eren Kruger was fourth with 11.5%. We also had plenty of write ins.

A child from the Mid-East Alliance, as he's wearing a Fez. It's probably a memory from Lady Tybur's youth, as we know the Tybur Family had connections with nations all across the world.

All the memories here have been from either te Attack Titan or the Founding Titan. Thus I don’t think this is a boy from Warhammer Titan’s memories. Possibly it is Eren Kruger’s memories, in which case this cannot he Tom Xaver as it’s much too young for them to meet. Eren met Tom when Tom was a doctor and able to falsify his blood documents is he could join the Marley police. This is a new character.

At this point i really don't know it could be fucking king fritz himself isayama would probably do it

Eren's future son

Frieda’s brother

I think he's ms. Tybur's friend, eren's memories in here kinda mixed up so it makes sense he sees tybur's memories

It’s rod. You can tell by the vest he’s got on. But I do like the few people calling him the Arumika lovechild.

Probably Eren Kruger's friend / brother / child idk, or a future character that we don't know yet.

Someone from Ymir Fritz's time

The child from the last рanel

DID YOU LIKE THE INCLUSION OF CASTE ON TITAN CHARACTERS IN THE SPREAD PAGE? 1,249 Responses

Let’s be real… The manga has had a depressing tone for quite a while now, and some humor (assuming that’s what this was!) is probably good for us. 72% of poll respondents agree with this notion, and loved the inclusion of Armin and Mikasa from the high school AU. 18.3% weren’t quite so keen to see this easter egg, however.

I knew Isayama said something along the lines of incorporating this AU in the canon so it was nice to see that. Whether he plans to make a reincarnation AU out of this or just an easter egg is up to him.

I think it's cute. It's small and out of the way so it's not like it's disturbing the story.

Idk I'm confused. Isayama really likes to play with us

If you mean Nerd!Armin and Goth!Mikasa, yes I did like it. Could you PLEASE call it Highschool AU or similar, I spent like five minutes trying to understand what 'Caste on Titan' meant!

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE BEST IN-STORY EXPLANATION IS FOR CASTE ON TITAN BEING INCLUDED? 1,266 Responses

Well over half of the fandom agree that the inclusion of Caste on Titan (AKA the high school AU fake previews) in the memory shatter was merely an easter egg for the fans to enjoy, rather than Isayama canonizing anything. 20.9% feel differently, feeling that Isayama has canonized Caste on Titan as an alternate universe. 10.7% feel that it is a possible future or reincarnation.

Above Ymir Fritz, in a dimension higher than PATHS, lies the one true God and Creator Isayama-sama, who casually screws His people's minds on a monthly basis with images like these.

It is the actual reality

Canon?? FUTURE?? WHO?? WHAT??

Reincarnation AU is canon, baby

I have never heard of Caste on Titan.

Really it's probably just an easter egg, but it also kind of canonizes AUs which is fine by me.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE LOOK AT THE PATHS DIMENSION IN THIS CHAPTER? 1,331 Responses

What did the fandom think of a whole chapter focused on paths? 80.2% loved the deep dive into them, 15.3% liked the information but don’t love paths as a story mechanic, and 2.1% dislike paths immensely and just want to go back to the battle.

Being someone who loves time-travelling stuff, I'm intrigued. I see a lot of theories around and the loop seems a little weird to me. I believe Isayama has a great, unique concept and I'm excited to fully comprehend it.

Enjoyed it a fair bit, but we need to know more! Especially about how this dimension came to be in the first place.

I can't wait to see this in the anime!

I sort of wish it was more alluded to and not shown too much

I wish isayama was good enough a writer so that he wouldnt have to rely on this bullshit for long-term, grand-scheme storytelling

It's awesome, we need a break from battle, right? I can't wait it'll be animated beautifully just like Ymir one back in the season 2

The most fascinating aspect of the story by far. I just want every single one of their mysteries to be revealed.

I really want to know more about the PATHS. But not from Zeke. I think he is definitely lying about some things here. And I loved that double betrayal.

I didn’t know what the heck was going on

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE COORDINATE AS SHOWN IN THIS CHAPTER? 1,321 Responses

A part of the in-depth look at paths this chapter was a visualization of the coordinate itself. Just over half of the fandom are excited that the theories of Norse Mythology influences might have paid off with the coordinate appearing similar to the mythological tree Yggdrasil. 18.2% of you are unsure what Yggdrasil is and how it relates to the story, 16.5% think the coordinate is supposed to look like a tree but Yggdrasil isn’t a direct influence, and 13.1% think it’s just a beam of light that branches off.

I just thought back to most of the depictions in books of Ymir and the Devil. A good number of them had an object behind Ymir, that being a tree. Coincidence? I think not!

It really does have Yggdrasil vibes, and sorta looks like a tree branching off, but for now I can’t quite put it anywhere. Looks dope though.

It symbolizes a tree, and I hope it in turn connects to the tree Eren sat against in Chapter 1

Yes! more norse mythology references! Yggdrasil baby!

I loved how the trails in the path sky were the expanding branches of the Yggdrasil tree from SnK. Different space, different rules of time and matter...

It's shiny, glowy and pretty, and gives rise to loads of amazing fan colorings. Seriously, that full-page panel with Eren standing in front on it is a work of art.

It's the Tree of Life, Yggdrasil but also the Sephirot, among others. Norse Mythology confirmed with the name Ymir, the Norse proto-giant whose body was used to create the nine realms.

Maybe it's Yggdrasil, maybe not. I like the symbolism, but I can't confirm it actually is Yggdrasil.

Tree of life, much original, v cultured

PATHS converging as ROOTS.

BETRAYAL! WHAT DID YOU THINK OF EREN TURNING ON ZEKE? 1,331 Responses

Who doesn’t love a predictable but good betrayal? 70.5% of respondents were more than happy to see that Eren didn’t agree with Zeke’s ideals, even going so far as to support the demeanor in which Eren delivered the blow. 20.9% are happy he doesn’t agree with Zeke, but feel he could have gone a little easier on him. A small percentage feel he should have sided with Zeke…

Expected but still immensely satisfying. Kinda felt a little bummed for Zeke getting rejected like that.

I loved the twist which was made even better with a double-twist!

Assuming Eren wants to go through with the Rumbling, then both plans are crazy

Eren revealed his cards too early. Although, I can see Eren making that mistake.

It was what I'd hoped would happen eventually, however, it's still another example of Eren doing whatever the fuck he wants without consulting his plans with anyone and hurting people as a consequence

Harsh, but Zeke had it coming and it felt kind of great on an emotional level in terms of a true loss to Zeke, who has done some pretty shitty stuff.

Eren’s plan is stupid, you could’ve told Armin and Mikasa about this but nooooo you gotta be an ass.

I knew Eren wouldn't go through with Zeke's plan. But Zeke also deserves to see the errors in his plans, that he has no right to euthanise his fellow Eldians!

I'm not surprised about Eren's betrayel, it was obvious from the start that he would never agree with Zeke's ideology. But currently I feel very bad for Zeke. For first his parents only want to used him for their plans, because of his royal blood and Eren only used him for the same thing. Poor Zeke ;___;

Zeke had a lot of time the overthink everything that has happened in the timeless paths realm. Even if Zeke did not realize before, he definitely thought about the betrayal during said time.

DO YOU THINK ZEKE IS CORRECT THAT THE GIRL IN THE PATHS DIMENSION IS OG YMIR? 1,331 Responses

Zeke assumes, along with 76.5% of readers that the girl we see roaming paths is Ymir Fritz. However, 19.5% of readers disagree with Zeke on this one.

I was but, after reading a theory posted days after the release, it makes sense that she's actually the OG Christa.

I think it’s Ymir, I don’t think ymir is who they think she is

I think she is indeed Ymir... But could also be the Earth devil.

Hearing all these theories about Eren asking Zeke how he could know, and Zeke just responding with (while logical) a not for sure answer makes me mixed

It seems wierd to me that the Founder has no will or personality of her own, it seems to me that shouldn't be the case, but well... I was hoping she would have some more additions to the story of the titans but she seems like a walking corpse

It's the most likely answer, but the fact he's just assuming makes me not want to claim for sure. Yams likes to seize on assumptions.

Kind of, it's the person they call Ymir but it's really the character of Christa

No. At least not fully, many characters have claimed what happened in the past, but none of them have been entirely right. I don't see why I should see Zeke as entirely correct either.

An empty shell of ymir caused by King Fritz messing with the cordinate

I think Zeke, Eren, Historia and this girl (I think it's Eren's daughter) are all Ymir.

WHY DID YMIR PASS BY EREN? 1,328 Responses

Over half of the fandom (57.7%) agree with Zeke’s theory on this one - Ymir gave Eren the brush off because the Founding Titan is basically a pawn of the royal family. 28.1% are suspicious and believe that she’s got other plans we’ve yet to be clued in on.

Nepotism over cronyism, I guess

She's being controlled by Zeke due to his royal blood so she probably got no choice. Maybe if she gets released she'll cooperate with Eren

The grown woman-child doesn't like boring edgy teens, maybe?

In his time in the paths, Zeke gained enough control over them to make since illusions for eren. This chick is just as illusory as his chains. Zeke is using her to manipulate Eren because he needs Eren to control the founder.

Zeke is technically alive. Eren isn’t. She’s going for the living shifter.

Eren is too hot for her, she can't handle the Yeager

That’s not not Ymir.

She really dosnt have a free will and is being controlled by an even higher power

Zeke has created those chains and that girl to trick Eren

Ymir herself is a slave to the royal family. The royal blood in Zeke calls out to her.

WHAT MEMORY OF GRISHA’S DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 1,335 Responses

With lots of heartwarming moments to choose from this chapter, 32.7% most enjoyed seeing Grisha turn away from the Reiss chapel and choosing instead to focus on being a good husband and father to his family. 28.8% enjoyed seeing how Grisha spent his time in the basement and the possibility of him seeing Zeke from the future. 19.7% got the dokis over seeing Grisha be there for Eren’s baby milestones.

Loved baby Eren and it was really nice seeing Grisha so caring for his family (I missed Carla too, so good to see her again)

Baby Eren is the cutest baby in the whole universe and if you disagree you need glasses

IN LIGHT OF THIS CHAPTER, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GRISHA NOW? 1,330 Responses

Nearly half of the fandom (47.2%) admire Grisha’s ability to change and work to become a better father and husband after learning from his mistakes. 21.1% are glad that he was much better with Eren, but still can’t look past the way he treated Zeke as a child. 19.3% have always had faith in Grisha and enjoyed his character.

One of the reasons why SnK is as good as it is. The way goodness and horribleness exists within him at the same time, the way it makes him so imperfect, so deplorable, so sympathetic and so human, it's a testament to how well he is written. I love him. I love him so much.

I didn't like him before, but now I have a little more sympathy. I felt like crying when he was dreaming about Zeke and wanted to see him badly. I hope they will have a chance to talk in paths.

I'm amazed by the forgiveness other readers are giving him. It's as if they're ignoring what he actually believed and did. I don't believe many people are beyond redemption, and the fact that Grisha managed to get caught before he could actually murder anyone works in his favour, but I hold him to the exact same standard I would any real person who tried to bring back a regime he himself believed was exceptionally violent and bloodthirsty (before the Owl delivered the 'nice' history of Eldia). Overall he *could* be forgiven, but so far...holding your cute chubby son and choosing not to commit your original sin *again* is not it.

No matter how much he learned from Zeke he still cursed them both with 13 years at the end, so it doesn't really make a difference for me.

For the longest time I didn't know how to feel about him but this chapter cleared up a lot of things and I absolutely love him now

While he ultimately failed at parenting twice, it is good to see he learned from some of his mistakes and that his actions here reflected that. In the end, he still went for the royal family before the breach of the Wall and treated Eren to the serum instead of spending his time looking for a better, less 'child' host for his titan.

DID BABY EREN SEE OLDER EREN AND ZEKE? 1,335 Responses

While it may not impact the story, the vast majority of the fandom (70.9%) feel confident that baby Eren was able to see his future self. Only 2.8% selected “No” for this question.

DID GRISHA SEE ZEKE AT THE END? 1,333 Responses

We don’t really know how it happened, but it sure does seem like Grisha saw Zeke at the end of the chapter when he noted his aged appearance. 79.1% agree that this appears to be the case. 2.7% disagree, chalking this up to nothing more than a coincidence. Eren and/or Zeke being able to interact with the past in any way has some striking implications, so hopefully we get some answers soon!

WILL ZEKE CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT GRISHA? 1,333 Responses

46.3% of respondents feel that the narrative is pushing Zeke to forgive his father and let go of what happened in the past. 38.6% see the potential for him to forgive Grisha, but don’t want to say with confidence that he definitely will. 11.5% believe that there is nothing that will ever cause Zeke to forgive his father.

At his core, Zeke wants his father to love him and treat him as a son instead of a tool. Knowing that Grisha still thinks of him and feels guilty about the way he raised him must have stirred something in him.

Partially. Yes, Grisha grew from that. But it just meant that Eren got the childhood he wishes he had and that in his eyes Eren got preferential treatment.

If anything I think he's mostly going to be jealous of Eren and regrets not being born at the right time. That being said they haven't reached the memory where Grisha passed his titan to Eren.

Might lean more towards him not changing because of his very single-minded way of looking at things. Maybe a smaller chance, don't know how I'd feel about it, though in terms of storytelling.

I hope. I am so ready for a Zeke redemption to take place even if the chances of it happening are low. I want to see the Yeagerbros working together.

I don't think so. If Eren shows him the next memory in which Grisha gave his titan powers to Eren and forced him to end his mission by going to the cellar and learning to control that power, Zeke would think that he was right about his father that he brainwashed him. Maybe Grisha was a good father in Eren's younger years but at the end he shouldered his burden to his second son and gave Eren a new reason to continue the cycle of hatred, to avenge his mother. I don't think that Zeke will change his mind so easily...I have the feeling that Eren has to convince his Brother otherwise, but I could be wrong.

While his opinion about Grisha May change slightly, that won’t change his opinion about euthanasia.

I love how that in the midst of all the plot development and the PATHS, it still boils down to the characters and their relationships in the end. The Zeke/Grisha parts make this chapter, imo. The boy who wants so much to be loved by his father, who vilifies his father as some sort of coping mechanism, realizing that his father loves him, misses him and regrets the way he treated him, realizing his father is only human... it never fails to tug at my heartstrings. I can't wait to see where Zeke will go from here.

WILL ZEKE’S MIND BE CHANGED ABOUT WHAT THEY SHOULD DO WITH THE FOUNDING POWER? 1,329 Responses

As we step away from the action-centric battle, we move into a battle of philosophies, outlooks, and plans. Zeke has attempted to sway Eren, but will Eren be able to convince Zeke to change his mind about what to do with the power they now possess? 38.8% think he will in fact be able to do just that; and only at about 1% behind, 37.9% don’t know what the outcome will be, and 20.3% don’t think Zeke’s plan will change.

Zeke's mind is already made up. What may change is his motivation. He just may lose all will to execute his plan and let Eren do his thing.

His euthanasia plan is instilled into him primarily by Xaver, his father-figure, someone whom he holds very much in high esteem. So if Zeke should change his mind about that plan, it has to be through changing his current opinion on Xaver.

It will seem he agrees with Eren. And then, out of rage and despair of his ideals being broken and Eren getting the life he wishes he always had, he'll cause the Rumbling to lash out at the world for how cruel it was to him.

No, he's far too stubborn for that. But he still needs to return the powers of the Founder to Eren somehow. So I can see him being cornered in a way that makes him realize there's no happy ending.

Probably, but it shouldn't be because of some Grisha shit, it should be because Eren has a better plan

Yes but he‘s still an ass who had fun in killing. Maybe he‘ll redeem himself by showing remorse but whatever, he just rubs me the wrong way.

I sure hope so, because eugenics really doesn't make sense even if you support the reasoning. If it can be done by a royal titan then it can be undone, and they're literally planning to keep a pack of royals as spares.

I hope so, because I really want to see the brothers work together. Zeke has done a lot of terrible thing (including what he did to poor Levi) but I want to see his redemption arc

I think that Zeke will come to the realization that he is doing to same thing to Ymir as Grisha has done to him.

WHAT DOES EREN WANT TO SHOW ZEKE? 1,324 Responses

This chapter ended abruptly with Eren about to lead Zeke into “The next memory.” But what could that be? 36.3% think he’s going to show Zeke scenes from his own life, 32.1% believe there will be an even deeper dive into Grisha’s past, 19.7% think it will involve Tom Xaver, and 8.6% think Eren Kruger will get more time to shine.

A mix of all of them: More of Grisha's memories up to his death, his own life and experiences (Attack on Titan greatest hits coming for the 10th anniversary chapter), and then finish off with some Xaver reveals if he indeed worked with Kruger.

Bit of Kruger's, Eren's memories, and little bit of Grisha's. Maybe Ymir's or Karl Fritz

Definitely something involving Xaver, probably him in cahoots with Kruger to fool Zeke.

Don't feel like he wants to show Zeke something, just telling Zeke to move it along

His true motives and what lead him down the path he’s been taking since chapter 91

That one exchange between Grisha and Frieda in the cave we still didn't get to see when Eren kissed Historia's hand.

The memory where Grisha turns Eren into a mindless with added dialogue to hit us all in the feels.

Warhammer memories

I hope it could be something around Kruger and Xaver, and finally enlightening Zeke view of his "dad" and their plan. From here they could move around some really interesting scenarios, there are so many possibilities and I AM HERE FOR IT! ("If you want to save Mikasa and Armin..." quote for example idk).

Fall of wall Maria, Dina eating Carla

Some hype ass shit.

WILL EREN BE DEAD AFTER THE INSTANT IS OVER? 1,327 Responses

The majority (77.8%) are confident that Eren will find a way to make it out of the paths dimension alive, while 11.5% are much less optimistic about Eren’s fate. A smaller percentage believe that he’s already dead without any chance of coming back.

I have this weird theory: since a shifter's consciousness can be transferred into the spine or in the Paths dimension in some capacity, what if the consciousnesses of two shifters can be "exchanged" in the Paths dimension? Zeke may end up dying (willingly or not) while Eren lives.

I don't know. I think he'll either come back alive, or find a way to communicate with at least Mikasa and/or Armin before he dies.

Zeke promised that he will never abandon his little brother. Even if their ways differ in the end and Zeke’s mind isn’t changed, I don’t think he would leave his brother to die. He has already stated that he will command Ymir to reconstruct Eren’s body. No way he would treat Eren like that

No. Eren recovered in paths just like Zeke did so there's no reason for him to be dead

It would be a fresh plot twist and I would like him to stay dead because of it but I doubt Isayama has courage to do it.

i think it would be weird for eren to die right now, especially before seeing Armin & Mikasa again

DO YOU THINK ZEKE WILL COME OUT OF THE PATHS DIMENSION ALIVE? 1,328 Responses

Zeke was in pretty good shape when he went into the PATHS dimension, so it only makes sense he would make it out alive - or at least that’s what most of us (81.9%) think! A minority (18.5%) think (or hope?) he will not be so lucky.

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,339 Responses

More than half the fandom wants chapter 121 to be the continuation of A Zekemas Carol. 18.9% would rather take a break from the PATHS dimension to see what’s happening with Levi and Hange.

Been wanting to see Annie, Levi, Historia for many chapters. Now just want these amazing memories to continue! This part of the story is incredibly powerful.

I know this paths fuckery will continue for another chapter or two but after that yams pls gib annie i beg

A moment of silence for the amount of hope I had to see Hanji and Levi, if you will. It will be missed.

All I'm asking for is one panel with Levi and Hange... Is that too much?

Annie in paths Annie in paths Annie in paths Annie in-

Eren in the next chapter is going to open a door from Eren Krugers past showing interactions with Tom Xaver

Heh, as much as I want to see Hanji & Levi, I'm 99% certain we're staying in PATHS zone :)

I feel bad that I didn’t choose Annie for any of these answers, but this moment in the story is literally the only thing I’ve wanted to see for years

I just want to know Levi is alive

I want to know who Ymir really is and what her motivation is! I want to see the story through her eyes!

I don't care about Zeke. Please show me the Present Day Historia memory. I beg you OG Ymir. Amen.

whatever it is im gonna pee myself regardless

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,263 Responses

While Reddit and Tumblr continue to make up the majority of our respondents, the Attack on Titan fandom is everywhere. Wherever you choose to discuss the series, we appreciate your support of the chapter poll!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

"Where's the rest of it?" - Zuko

I liked Eren's "surprised Pikachu" face when Zeke broke the chains.

Great fucking chapter, Eren and Zeke are a riot as a brothers duo.

Why is Grisha so attractive

Boy am I glad Xaver trained Zeke in baseball instead of football.

Grisha Redemption Arc, let's go!

a chapter without reiner is automatically a bad chapter

At the beginning I thought it’d end up being boring but the ending showed me otherwise. Attack on titan never disappoints

Awesome, beyond my expectation. We get more info about PATHS and yeager moments that i nearly don't care about others lol. The cliffhanger is more painful than previous chapter tho

Chapter in a nutshell: "I have more resolve!" "No, just kidding. By doing this I have MORE resolve!" "Well guess what? I have a piano. End of discussion, I have the most resolve."

I kind of dislike the whole concept of the Paths. I really dislike the "enslaved little girl builds Titans out of sand" angle when there was so much potential for a science fantasy explanation instead. At least Eren's acting like Eren again, that's all I'm asking of this manga at this point.

How did Ymir have three daughters when she looks 13 years old and presumably died 13 years old?

I put a 2/5 due to how empty and anticlimatic this chapter was. I'm more than okay to explore the pathverse but I didn't expect 10 pages of filler and recollection, 10 pages where the brotherly betrayal gets quickly resolved with both Eren and Zeke's emotions being turned down (Zeke just told Eren he had no freedom in his decisions ffs) and the rest being Daddy Issues TM.

Dope. Loved it. Answered so many questions. So, the PATHS meme is a little less true now. It'll probably become even less so with the next chapter and so on.

Eren and Zeke this chapter were basically that one spiderman meme you know the one.

Glad the memory manipulation theory was wrong, didn't expect this walk through memory lane however. I'm excited to see if and how Zeke's outlook on his father and whole ideology will change.

Eren out here playing 5D chess against Zeke when he was playing 4D chess and thinking Eren was playing 3D chess. Eren a legend

Eren’s sarcastic attempt at convincing Zeke was a welcome reprieve from the “excuse-me-what” nature of this chapter

Every time Eren appears in a panel I stare in awe at how beautiful he is. Shaven face + Hobo hair = Peak Eren.

I love how abrupt the ending is, specially if Isayama's going for what I'm thinking. I suspect chapters 120, 121, and 122 will all feel connected as one single big chapter, with action outside paths only unfreezing at the end of 122. The main issue is how some parts of this chapter feel like stalling for the inevitable anniversary chapter next month, but I believe it's gonna pay off.

I was laughing like a maniac by the end of the chapter. Eren is truly an incredible little sh*t, and I'm super excited to learn more about his actual motivations. Interestingly enough, Zeke won't shut up about Grisha the father, and seems to have conveniently forgotten (which I did as well) that one of Eren's biggest motivations in his life has come from his mother, who told Shadis all those years ago that Eren was special BECAUSE "he was born into this world". As much as I reeeeeeally wanna see an update on Levi and Hanji (IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS, ISAYAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US), this walk down memory lane is turning out to be the most entertaining part of the arc so far

I'm SO HAPPY to see Eren talking again and to see that fiery determination and his snarky attitude! Go Eren!

Just . . . I'm really tired. Now Grisha's father of the year all of sudden. I'm still waiting for Eren to like, suffer real consequences for his war crimes and his shitty treatment of his "friends." And Annie is probably never going to be relevant, Historia is going to stay stuck in her chair. Like, the whole point of this series was that it's hard to tell what the truth is, right? And now there's MAGIC and Eren can literally take Zeke into his memories to show Zeke EXACTLY what happened with Grisha as if that's the real truth? Isayama's gone soft or given up, I dunno. I'm just tired.

Anyone else expect Isayama to just carry on with these flashbacks for four chapters just like the basement.

This chapter hurt me. In fact, this whole arc has. I think the point where I started being really confused was when Zeke got resurrected. I get the point of it. You wanna show what PATHS is? Ok. You wanna show how titans are built! Sure! You wanna explain that this is a pocket dimension and time moves by super slow? Perfect. You wanna show the person making the titans? Cool. But the mechanics with the royal family are so inconsistent. IF ZEKE CAN BREAK THE WILL, WHY CAN’T FRIEDA OR URI OR LITERALLY ANYBODY. Is it because he isn’t the direct founding Titan? Is he bluffing?? I don’t know. I want Armin and Mikasa please.

One redemption for the monky boi, please.

So Eren did all he did, sacrificed so many lives, hurt his friends etc. just because he only hoped he’ll be able to use the Coordinate? Seriously that was his plan? Give me a break please. I’m very disappointed Erwin was not there in the ‘important moments’ page - he was one of Eren’s childhood heroes after all and the person without whom Eren would’ve never gotten this far.

#snk spoilers #snk poll #snk polls #poll results

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reneeswing · 5 years ago

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The Joy, The Ridicule and The Hope

Let's rewind: what are the top three advices that have been given to us about COVID-19 prevention: wash your hand, observe social distance and take care of each other. Does that ring the bell that we have learnt all three things since we are in elementary school, if we are ever lucky enough to go to one.

So, I am going to make a bold statement here: most of the life-long lessons that we need for going through life, we’ve learnt them way before advanced educations, regardless of differences in culture, race and geographic locations. Yet, the sad truth is we only seem to spend the remainder of our time forgetting all we have learnt and all we need to remember to overcome this conundrum. If I dig a bit deeper, my basic education have equiped me with way more useful knowledge than what business school and law school have ever tought me. To name a few, geography helps me to navigate through the continents without being laughed at, history and literature offer me perspectives to see and comprehend everything ever happened in this time and this world. Law school and business school, on the other hand, slowly coop up people into a disillusion of elite class, distancing them from what’s actually going on in this insanely biased reality. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe every opportunity of education matters, it emancipates and liberates generations; and if anything, I have been blessed with all sort of way of thinking, coming from each stage of my school years. It is the monotonous perception on education that sometimes misinterprets or overly simplifies its true essence.

Do anyone begin to appreciate the down time of this quanrantine yet? I am not saying this to trivialize the dismal impact of the pandemic; because both our economic and social lives have taken a major toll from this crisis. For those who are alone in this quarantine, they are craving for human contact, the touch, the hug, all the more basic need of being a human; whereas for those who have a full house with multiple children at home, the working day never ends as it is combined with home schooling. This makes people finally realize that their job is their ultimate refuge. One of my friends started to refer to her kids as fantastic beasts, since the third week of the lockdown. This is, in my opinion, one of the best metaphors of the year. Now, this is what I hope: when all this is over, we will eventually appreciate more of our teachers and other educational workers. for us, it is only with our own kids, whereas at school, kids are ganged up on them. They are entitled to fairer reward and respect from all walks of the society.

Like others, my emotion has gone through various stages: at first, I was fairly content with what I’ve got here, a cozy home, abundant toilet rolls and sufficient supply of alcoholic grape juice. Then some kind of obsession started to develop, the bad kind is to slowly transform healthy self-reflection into self-condemnation for something I have done wrong 2,3,5 years ago. And the more time I spent on my devices, the higher level of anxiety incubated. Then, later on, I decided to have a rather lengthy conversation with myself, the righteous thing that I have ever done: committing to my own feelings, compelling myself away from judgement. I learnt to acknowledge them, more importantly, I searched for language and specific words to label them in all the more precise way. Through that exercise, I realized although they appear similarly, the emotion of anxiety is very different from that of sadness; and the exhileration that I was feeling is also different from excitement. When I found out I was able to distinguish those various emotions in me, I felt stress level has already half way gone, I could call the truce with myself. So, something good does come out from this period. When we are not able to go out, we should allow ourselves to go within.

There are a lot more silver linings. To my recollection over the past 8 years, I don’t rememer any of the Dutch springs is as beautiful as this one. We’ve had sunny and warm weather throughout the month of April. Everyday, I went onto my balcony, let the light beam through my forehead and inhale the most precious fresh air. It is painful to face it that our continents are receding to isolated islands as all the traffics are shut down, but it is also delightful to find that nature thrives when human society hits the PAUSE button. The blue sky is returned to the birds and their flapping wings; waterways turn purer as no more crazy human running around and emitting pollution into them. Even panda’s resume consummation. For the last 2,3 years, anthropogenic activities have caused large scale bushfires across north and south hemispheres; it happened even in Syberia above the North Pole. Human society is inflicting pains onto the lung of our Mother Earth. Isn’t it an irony that our respiratory system is succumbed to this coronavirus? I couldn’t help but wonder if this pandemic is the nature’s vengeance onto the arrogance of human race? So, here comes my second wish. One day as we come out of this pandemic, our peaceful moments with the nature will stick around a bit longer. Even though I know that humanity is terrible at reckoning with it own sin, I still wish this time, after all we have endured, we will finally learn to return the favour for our Mother Nature’s altruistic love. That we will be more reflective on our own behaviours, the impact that each of us have made onto anything outside of ourselves. You may say I am a dreamer, but I am definitely not and should not be the only one.

......

The world is suffering from its own bipolar disorder. To steer my way clear from the menaces, I rid myself of watching news during the weekends. But one still doesn't make the cut. As for a while, it is the only thing that people couldn't stop talking about: Donald Trump contemplates injecting/ingesting coronavirus patients with disinfectants, until the moment he made the next obnoxious statement. What's even more troubling is there was actually a slight increasing number of ER cases caused by internal administration of chemical solvent. Both New York Times and RB, the producer of Lysol and Dettol, had to make official announcement to talk people out of their desperate craze. One day I woke up and spit out this question: how is it even possibly happening? If B school has ever taught me anything, it is that leadership matters; and I dedicated most of my career contemplating how to be a good (future) leader. But nowadays, we are riding a perfect storm, while sinking down into a chasm called: the scum rises to the top. We are living in a reality that outruns the most ridiculous screenwriting of political drama. Not only have we got Trump assumed the most powerful position in this world, we don't seem capable of appropriating any countermeasures to dampen the damages. Although his strategy is nothing much different from that of a shameless politician: barking up the wrong trees to divert the public's attention further away from criticism against him, the impact however is way too profound to be left alone. He is dividing not only a country, also driving a wedge between friendly countries, when the only hope the world is left with is the hope of solidarity.

The world is in urgent need of an assertive voice with a kind heart and a pair of potent hands. It cannot be done by one person, rather, has to be a collective conscience of all the human societies. The younger generation does not believe in institutions, they embrace anarchistic believes and have little problem of taking things to its extremity; but in the meantime, they are reasonable, way more objective and fairer than they are being judged or even portrayed. They believe in gender equality, inform themselves of cultural intricacy and they gather to rally for animal rights and climate change. For both reasons, their world needs leaders with integrity and convincing voices. In all appropriate times, we need to learn to be a leader for ourselves and for others. It is up to us how we are going to make our next decision, in giving an opinion, in executing right to vote, in influencing people around us and in doing smallest good deeds to hold onto each other. Here's an example. It is no strange thing to know that our doctors and nurses are working under tremendous physical and mental pressures. We've heard multiple cases in Italy and the US that medical staff committed suicide after virus contraction or nervous breakdown. In almost every country, people are finding ways to demonstrate their gratitude to their guardian angels; however news from India reads that doctors and nurses become target of discrimination, demonising them as virus itself. Similar discriminatory stories surface from time to time around the world against people from other countries or communities because of the pandemic. This shows how far off people could be dangerously biased and misled; the absence of a just and empathetic figure in the leadership attributes to and to a great extent severs the alienation. But we all could and should choose to lead.��We can never let our guard down, ignoring any appalling ignorance, even with the slightest carelessness. We need to speak up, protect people who are protecting us and the world's most vulnerable's. We need to do it constantly, consistently and often enough. Bear in mind, our decision and undertaking of today will define our tomorrow in common.

......

Alright, enough about the grim prospect and grievance. As far as being a hopeless optimist, I will complement my third wish with a faith in humanity after it all. Yesterday, I watched the season finale of Westworld. As Dolores sank down into her memory, she restated: "Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world. The disarray. I choose to see the beauty". I agree with every bit of those words. I believe the key to the sublime lies in ourselves and our conscience. In the end, true bravery is to love the world and humanity, despite the ugliness that we have seen or experienced.

Before I let you go, I am inviting you to join me in paying tributes to all the essential workers who are risking their lives every day to keep ours running without panics. Next to our lovely doctors and nurses, here's to the infrastructure workers, the train conductors and bus drivers, the supermarkets' staff, the logistics companies, the mailman, (especially my mailman, who brings me my 1,000 packages to fill the huge void in my soul), the journalists and newsmen, who are running all across the countries, strive to bring us brutal facts, inconvenient truths, disarray and hopes. Collectively you've prevented the world from crumpling, after the mess we made. I thank you for that!

Please take care and stay healthy!

Love, R

#stories

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commentaryvorg · 6 years ago

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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 1.7

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, as the first trial began, the narrative continued to ignore the actual reason for Tsumugi’s apparent innocence, everyone generally played catch with the idiot ball to pad things out including several people who deserve better, and I started discussing Kaito’s really-not-that-gendered concept of manliness. Then suspicion fell upon Shuichi, who promptly clammed up in fear of revealing the truth to defend himself, just before we went to the intermission.

Monokuma: “Try your best to nab the culprit. And believe me, that’s no lie. If I lied, it would shake the game to its very foundation.”

Yeah, you’re definitely not going to do that at the end of this trial, right?

But also, that’s precisely the point: Kokichi’s plan in chapter 5 and Shuichi’s reason for retrying this case in chapter 6 both revolve around the idea that proving Monokuma to have lied would render the entire killing game invalid and force it to end.

Maki is still being the one to drive the conversation in terms of accusing Shuichi. She’s just being pragmatic and has no time for any of this “believing in people” stuff; why would she?

Kokichi: “Did it ever occur to you that Shuichi could have lied about setting the sensor? Hmmm?”

Kaede: “A… A lie…?”

Shuichi: “…”

And yet at the exact time Shuichi was genuinely setting the sensor and not lying about it, Kaede was setting up the camera and turning the flash on and lying about that. That’s probably what Shuichi’s freaking out about right now.

Kokichi’s claim that Shuichi never set up the sensor is so he can argue that Shuichi then used the sensor to set off the receiver in front of Kaede on purpose. But Kokichi doesn’t know the receiver had a power supply, so how does he think Shuichi managed to carry the sensor and the receiver around with him all day and not set it off accidentally just by moving around normally?

Kaede: (I have to do something! I know for a fact that he’s not the culprit!)

Not an exaggeration!

I enjoy the way the podiums can sometimes move about during these trials, and this debate is one of the biggest reasons for it. Just the way it forces Shuichi into the middle of the circle so that everyone is staring right at him – particularly since Shuichi has such a fear about people looking at him with accusation and hatred in their eyes. This must be especially awful for him right now.

(I particularly like this one shot. Shuichi’s frozen up in the foreground, the background focuses on Ryoma, who’s speaking – but in the background there’s also Kaito, silently freaking out over the possibility that Shuichi did it. Kirumi, who’s much less relevant to anything right now, happens to be completely obscured by Shuichi thanks to the angle used.)

Shuichi: “………………”

“Say something.”

That bit of white noise there is probably Maki again, being blunt and pragmatic as usual. (It’s fun guessing who the lines of white noise could be from; I’ll be pointing out some of the more relevant ones.)

Kokichi: “Yeaaah, I mean, whatevs. I made a mistake! Big deal!”

Kiyo: “You speak as if you knew that from the start… Even I was taken in…”

I can’t decide whether I agree with Kiyo that Kokichi actually knew about the contradiction in his argument from the beginning or not. Making the argument despite knowing it’s wrong is the kind of dick thing he’d do, but also I’m pretty sure that at this point he does think Shuichi did it? There is absolutely no indication that he was aware Kaede was the real culprit until that comes out.

And now Ryoma makes the argument about Shuichi turning the receiver off because he happened to learn that bit of information during the investigation.

This argument they put together here (that Shuichi did set up the sensor, turned the receiver off, murdered Rantaro when he went to the basement and then retrieved the sensor so that he could set off the receiver in front of Kaede to fake the time of death and give himself an alibi) is almost a completely flawless argument. It’s pretty clever how the case manages to do this – create a way in which Shuichi could have plausibly done it so that the only way to defend him is not to prove he didn’t but to force him to prove that Kaede did. And then everyone, even Kaede herself, ends up firmly believing that she did it because the evidence pointing to that is seemingly flawless, even though that’s also not the truth and the real culprit is yet another person that nobody will be aware of until they find new information at the very end of the game.

…I say “almost” completely flawless because there is actually an argument to clear Shuichi’s name without Kaede lying or confessing, namely that they saw the bookcase door closing when they ran into the library, proving that Rantaro had in fact been alive when the receiver went off. Nobody points that out in this trial, but even so, it’s almost a shame that that piece of evidence exists to make this current argument about Shuichi’s potential guilt not truly airtight. The writers presumably only put that bit in as a hint for chapter 6 that Tsumugi had just left, but even then that won’t be necessary to prove that she did it.

Kokichi: “Nee-heehee… So the Ultimate Detective is the killer. What a plot twist!”

You’re not the only person who wanted that plot twist to happen, either, Kokichi. Good thing the other person who wanted it doesn’t exist anymore and got overwritten by an Ultimate Detective who wouldn’t ever kill anyone.

(Also, man, 53 seasons and none of the writers thought to try and do this plot twist, even though they apparently have a lot of Ultimate Detective characters?)

Kaito: “Hey, you gonna say anything? We’ll all vote for you if you don’t.”

Kaito’s been interestingly quiet this whole time Shuichi’s been accused. This is the first thing he’s said since the intermission, and it’s not even specifically defending him. I might have expected Kaito’s belief in Shuichi to be strong enough that he’d have tried to defend him, but seemingly not. He’s probably been focused on trying to figure out why Shuichi would clam up when he’s being accused if he really isn’t the culprit – Kaito is always about trying to understand people.

Kaede: (Why won’t Shuichi say anything? Is there… a reason he won’t say anything? … If that’s the case… then it’s all up to me.)

Kaede has probably figured out here that it’s her fault he won’t say anything, because he’s realised she did it and is terrified of admitting it.

Monokuma is having himself a little puhuhuhuhu in amongst the white noise of the debate where you have to lie. He’s probably excited to find out if Kaede will throw Shuichi under the bus for her own survival or not.

You know, Kaede, your lie would probably be more convincing if you didn’t dramatically yell, “I’ll turn this lie… into the truth!” before starting to tell it.

(Yeah, yeah, obviously she doesn’t actually say that out loud since no-one comments on it, but it still comes across as pretty unintentionally silly.)

Kaede: “S-Sorry, you guys! I forgot to tell you something important!”

She’s also a really unconvincing liar. Shuichi will be much better at it than her when it’s his turn to lie. Plus, her lie is extra bad because it comes with the huge looming question of why the hell didn’t she mention this ten minutes ago when the receiver was first brought up as proof Shuichi did it.

Aaaa but Shuichi’s look of shock when he sees her lying for him, though. He’s probably been terrified this whole time that she’s secretly a horrible person who’s only pretending to defend him and will eventually sacrifice him to get away with her crime, but the fact that she’s willing to go this far to defend him and put herself at this much risk…!

Kaede: “C’mon, would I lie to you guys?”

Kaito: “That’d only screw yourself over. If we mess up, you’re dead too, y’know?”

And yet Kaede knows that this lie is all the more likely to get herself killed and that’s exactly why she’s telling it.

Kiyo: “Or perhaps… you wanted to cover for Shuichi, even at the cost of your own life.”

Shuichi: “…Huh?”

That’s the first sound Shuichi’s made since he was accused. It hasn’t been confirmed yet, but the possibility is occurring to him that Kaede is still the person he believed in!

Keebo: “I cannot imagine why anyone would risk their life to lie on another’s behalf.”

Kokichi: “Words from a true heartless robot! Emotions are only for meatbags!”

And yet you have an even harder time comprehending the idea of risking your life for someone else’s sake than anyone else in this room, Kokichi.

Tsumugi: “Umm… I agree. I sort of can’t believe that Shuichi is the culprit.”

Yeah, of course you don’t, because you want everyone to eventually figure out that Kaede did it. Note how she doesn’t even present a specific reason for thinking this; it’s not like she’s been acting as if she believes in Shuichi especially strongly or anything.

Kaito: “Yeah, this ain’t right!”

And of course Kaito believes in Shuichi! Even though he wasn’t speaking up to defend Shuichi earlier, he also wasn’t one of the people contributing to the argument against him.

Kaede: (We can’t vote for Shuichi, because he’s definitely not the culprit. If we vote for him, all hope is lost… I won’t be able to save everyone…)

Again with her utter certainity. But she shouldn’t be so worried – she must know that even if she can’t convince everyone of Shuichi’s innocence with just her lie, all she needs to do is confess, if it comes to it. She should be absolutely certain that no matter how things go, this trial will never end up with everyone else getting executed, because she won’t let that happen. I guess by “save everyone” she means she’s still hoping to catch the mastermind at this point, and this whole accusing Shuichi thing is just an inconvenient detour she’s trying to drag everyone off of.

The way Monokuma twists the key into the keyhole when starting up a Debate Scrum is extremely reminiscent of Gurren Lagann. Given a certain someone in this game who is also extremely reminiscent of a certain character from that anime, I feel like this is probably deliberate.

I like that Gonta makes one of the arguments in the Debate Scrum. He wouldn’t necessarily need to, since there’s only five arguments for eight people on his side, but he’s contributing! He’s not as stupid as he thinks!

I’m playing on the Vita version, and one of the few notable downgrades is that it doesn’t have the voice clips of everybody yelling “This is our answer!” together at the end of a Debate Scrum. Which is a shame; I always thought that was a cool bit, hearing multiple characters work together to convince everyone else of the truth. Debate Scrums are a really cool idea in general to get more of the characters involved.

Kaede: “And if that happens… Everyone will be executed… I definitely won’t let that happen, even if it costs me my life!”

Man, that statement of Kaede’s is telling. Why would it cost her her own life to prevent everyone being executed, unless…? It can be passed off as misguided protagonist determination and her temporarily forgetting how things work because she’s so worked up, but it’s more than that.

Shuichi: “Kaede…”

Look at Shuichi finally saying something for the first time since he was accused, and it’s when he hears that Kaede is willing to die for her crime. She is not the horrible backstabber he was afraid she might be; she is still exactly the brave, selfless person he believed in. It’s this that makes him finally able to face the truth.

Kaito: “Yeah, it’s just like Kaede said! Shuichi ain’t the culprit!”

Gonta: “Gonta believe in Shuichi, too! Gentlemen always believe in friends!”

Kaito and Gonta are both so good and so full of belief in people.

Even though Shuichi is speaking again and is laying out his arguments that lead to the truth, he’s still doing it in a pretty roundabout way, like he’s trying to put off the moment where he has to accuse Kaede for as long as he can.

Kaede: (I see… Shuichi knows… The reason why Rantaro noticed the camera was…)

I love just how strongly this hints that Kaede knows everything that happened even better than Shuichi.

Kaede: (I know this… There’s only one reason the camera’s flash was used…)

And again. She very clearly already knows and is not just figuring things out as Shuichi explains.

Kaede: “But the culprit didn’t expect the camera to take another picture when the door closed.”

And Kaede can be sure of this statement because she is the culprit. (Although, they’re all only assuming the second picture was when the door closed – I believe it is actually supposed to be when Tsumugi opened it again from the other side.)

Kaito: “Hey, Kaede…?”

Kaede: “What is it?”

Kaito: “Is… something wrong? You’ve been acting… kinda strange.”

Kaede: “…Strange?”

Kiyo: “Your last few remarks carry… more conviction than before.”

Look at how Kaito is the first one to notice this! He doesn’t for a moment want to believe that she actually did it, which is why he remains vague about what’s up with her and Kiyo has to be more specific – but still, he noticed, and he brought it up because he wanted to better understand why. Kaito is so perceptive when it comes to people and always trying to understand them better when there’s things that don’t make sense to him.

The fact that Shuichi and not Kaede is designated as number 1 in the screen where you have to accuse people would potentially be extremely spoilery if it weren’t for the fact that this is the first time we see this screen, when you’re about to find out that Shuichi is the true protagonist anyway.

It’s very appropriate how Kaede’s voice clip for accusing someone correctly, given that this is the only time she ever does it, is “No doubt about it”.

Kaede: (I’m sorry… Shuichi. You stayed silent this whole time because you realized it already, right? But, you can’t do that. It may be the end of me, but I want my wish to… I’m giving it to you, Shuichi. From now on, you’re going to carry on my wish! You’re going to protect everyone!)

Shuichi: (Kaede… I know what you want me to do. That’s so cruel… It’s cruel, but… I understand. I’ll do it. You can trust me. I won’t let your wish… go ungranted.)

This sequence where they switch protagonists is adorable and gives me feelings every time. I don’t think it’s supposed to be that they’re actually talking to each other or reading each other’s thoughts – they just both understand each other enough that they’re accurately imagining how the other is feeling right now and responding to that in their own inner monologue.

Also, despite the game making you do so as her, Kaede didn’t actually accuse herself. All that was ever said out loud was:

Kaede: “The culprit of this incident is…”

…

Shuichi: “…Kaede is the culprit.”

Kaede must have been trusting that Shuichi was finally about to find the courage to face the truth and was waiting for him to say it so that she didn’t have to. By acting like she was about to admit it herself, she made it clear to him that she is completely okay with being found guilty, giving him the final push he needed to do it.

Gonta: “Kaede… did it?”

Tenko: “W-Wait, that’s not possible! Right, Kaede!?”

I like that these two are the first ones to speak up to question this. They believe in her!

Kaede: “Pft… ahahahaha! Just kidding!”

Ryoma: “Just kidding?”

Kaede: “Huh? Did you guys really think I’m the culprit? Psh, come on, guys! Like I could!”

And now Kaede has started deliberately playing the villain. She’s given up on her attempts to corner the mastermind, given up on her own life – but she still hasn’t stopped trying to help everyone. She’s doing this, playing the horrible traitor who would hide their crime and try to get away with it, in the hope that it will unite everyone against her, so that despite how awfully things went, they’ll still have a sense of unity and co-operation once this is all over. And of course, she’s doing it to get Shuichi to face his fear of revealing the truth, because she knows that he’s going to need to do that in order to keep saving everyone throughout the rest of this killing game.

Kaede is willingly turning herself into a monster because she’s selflessly fixated on saving everyone else and doesn’t care at all what they think of her so long as they’re all going to be okay. She is so, so good.

Kaede: “Shuichi’s just joking around. He wanted to lighten up the mood.”

Yes, because that’s totally an in-character thing that Shuichi would do.

Kaito: “Yeah, how? You and Kaede were together the whole time, weren’t you?”

I also find it interesting that, again, this is the first time Kaito has spoken up since Shuichi accused Kaede. He did not join in earlier when Gonta and Tenko were questioning if she really did this. Kaito was the one who first noticed she was acting strange, after all, so it seems there’s a part of him that didn’t have as much trouble believing it, based on the way she’s acting. Here he’s speaking up not to question the fact that she would do it, but simply how she physically could have done it, because that at least is still very unclear.

Kaede: “…I was in the classroom, standing watch with Shuichi.”

“Y-You see!?”

Gonta: “Kaede never saw Rantaro… then how she kill him!?”

“There’s no way!”

These two bits of white noise are absolutely 100% Kaito. Even if Kaede being the culprit makes more sense to him based on her behaviour than he would like to admit, he still doesn’t want to face up to that. So he’s vehemently latching onto the part where it doesn’t seem to be physically possible to avoid having to think about the fact that her behaviour tells a different story. The fact that he’s stuttering in the first statement and the text is shaking in the second one certainly implies that he is not as sure of himself as he is trying to sound.

Tsumugi: “Hmm… what a mystery.”

Yeah, such a mystery that you definitely don’t know the answer to. And you definitely didn’t write Kaede with a fondness for Rube Goldberg machines precisely so she’d be able to create a mystery like this.

Shuichi: (If I’m remembering correctly, there was something off about her then… Damn it, how could I not realize it…?)

Because she’s your friend and you trusted her and had absolutely no reason to assume she might have been secretly plotting a murder. Don’t beat yourself up about this, Shuichi.

Ryoma: “It’s not like it started rollin’ on its own…”

“Rollin’ on its own!?”

Ryoma: “…and fell off the bookcase onto Rantaro’s head.”

“The hell are you talkin’ about!?”

These white noise lines: also Kaito. Ironic that the part he’s furiously questioning here is the part that turns out to be close to the truth.

Typical of Miu to have made this aerial diagram of the library and not even remotely have it occur to her that maybe there’s something weird about the sloped path of books leading to just above Rantaro’s head.

It’s a little weird for Shuichi to be having flashbacks and the flashbacks still be from Kaede’s perspective. Would have been kind of neat to instead get a different flashback to what Shuichi was thinking at the time. Still, I can see that the reason they did it this way is to let the player look back at those lines from Kaede’s inner monologue that hinted at what was really going on and see them for what they really meant.

Kaede: “Impressive… You have a really good memory, Shuichi.”

Shuichi is condemning her to death and all she cares about doing is praising his talent and making sure he feels confident in himself. She is so goddamn selfless.

Tsumugi: “A setup that complicated is almost like a Rube Goldberg machine.”

…are you mentioning this because you heard the part where Kaede talked about Rube Goldberg machines and want to make sure everyone in the audience makes the connection, Tsumugi?

Kiyo: “Your words and that smile… Is this your admission of guilt?”

Kaito: “Hold on! Don’t just jump to conclusions! I’ve… still got a lot of questions!”

Even though Kaede looks to be just about willing to admit things, Kaito is not ready to accept this so easily.

Kokichi: “Nee-heehee… that’s weeeeeird. Why do you sound so desperate?”

Kaito: “There’s nothing weird about it! There’s just no way I can believe someone like Kaede would be the culprit!”

Kokichi notes that Kaito sounds desperate because he is – there’s obviously a part of him that can tell, from the facts lining up and from Kaede’s behaviour right now, that this is the truth. But even so, his belief in the person Kaede is as someone who would never do something like this still hasn’t been contradicted. She’s acting as though she did it, but she’s not acting as though she wasn’t really that person who always cared about saving everyone. This whole time she’s clearly been trying to help Shuichi through his issues and guide him towards the truth. So it just does not make sense to Kaito, since it hasn’t occurred to him that she could have done this in an attempt to save them all.

Gonta: “Yeah! Gonta not believe it either!”

Kaede: “What?”

And look at Kaede being so bewildered by them still believing in and defending her. She’s just a murderer, right? She betrayed them all! They should all hate her!

Kaito: “Don’t worry, Kaede! I’ll clear your name!”

Kaito knows she did it and that it’s not going to be possible to clear her name. He just doesn’t want to accept it.

Kaito: “I refuse to believe that Kaede is the culprit! I still have my doubts!”

Himiko: “What kinda doubts?”

Kaito: “Doubts about the noise, of course!”

His doubts aren’t really about the noise. They’re about the fact that someone like Kaede would ever do this. But he knows that’s not an acceptable argument in a class trial, so instead he’s latching onto whatever evidence-related thing he can think of. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he hadn’t actually forgotten that the BGM could have masked the noise and is just avoiding mentioning it in the hope that no-one else will and he’ll have an excuse not to face the truth.

Ryoma: “Eh, some noise ain’t a big deal.”

“Is true!”

Tenko: “Of course it’s a big deal!”

“Yes! I’m positive!”

Hee, look at Gonta and Kaito’s white noise here fervently insisting that Kaede must be innocent. (Kaito is not positive. He’s just desperately pretending that he is.) Also props to Tenko for being the other most adamant defender of Kaede. It’s a little awkward in her case considering that if Kaede were exactly the same person but happened to be a guy then Tenko wouldn’t be doing this, but at least because Kaede is a girl we get to see Tenko’s good side come through here.

This whole argument about the BGM is also kind of flimsy considering that Kaede didn’t know there was going to be loud music masking the sound of the shot and went ahead with her plan anyway. She was presumably hoping her target wouldn’t realise what the noise meant until it was too late. And hey, maybe Rantaro did actually barely hear the sound over the music and that’s why Kaede’s shot missed.

Kokichi: “Kaito, are you done now?”

Yeah, all this ridiculous nonsense of Kaito’s about believing in people, none of that makes any sense, right? Not in Kokichi’s worldview.

Kaito: “D-Damn it…! So… it’s true, then…? You’re saying… Kaede really is the culprit!?”

This, though, is Kaito more or less admitting defeat, now that he has no more arguments he can think of. He still doesn’t want to believe that Kaede is the culprit… but he can accept it.

Kirumi: “But we should not blame him for that. None of those actions warranted suspicion at the time, so he might not have noticed.”

Shuichi: “…”

Shuichiiii, listen to Kirumi. Don’t go blaming yourself for this.

Gonta: “That can’t be… It’s gotta be mistake, right?”

Gonta, like Kaito, still doesn’t want to believe that Kaede could have done something like this.

Kokichi: “But if all of that is true, then that’s pretty unfortunate… I mean… it’s Kaede, y’know? She kept preaching about working together, and then she goes and kills in cold blood!”

This is Kokichi very transparently trying to force it into people’s heads that obviously you shouldn’t trust anyone ever because even someone like Kaede who talks about working together and being friends would totally turn around and murder someone in cold blood for their own selfish gain.

Shuichi: “No, something still doesn’t fit.”

Kokichi: “Hm? What doesn’t fit?”

Shuichi: “Kaede… wouldn’t do something like that.”

And this is Shuichi giving the big middle finger to Kokichi’s twisted worldview. Because anyone who doesn’t have the world’s biggest unexplained trust issues should be able to tell that obviously precisely because Kaede is the person she is, she would definitely have a better reason for killing someone than just doing it in cold blood.

Tsumugi: “But you were the one that said she did it, right?”

Shuichi: “Yes, I did say that. But murder in cold blood is just not in her character… I truly believe that! I believe in her!”

This is not the only time that Shuichi is going to be certain that his closest friend committed murder and yet even more certain that they didn’t do it for selfish reasons!

Kaede: “But… why? Why do you still believe in me, Shuichi? Why? Tell me why!”

Because you’re still a good person, Kaede! Even if you yourself can’t believe that right now because you messed up and accidentally killed an innocent.

Kaede: “Are you still looking away from the truth!?”

Not any more. Now you’re the one who’s doing that, Kaede.

Kaede: “I’m a terrible murderer. I betrayed everyone!”

A couple of lines from the Argument Armament that it’s easy to miss out on if you do too well at it, which is a big shame because they are excellent lines.

Shuichi: “Kaede wasn’t targeting Rantaro. She was targeting the mastermind. She was trying to end this killing game… She was trying to save us all. Isn’t that right, Kaede?”

Kaede: “…”

This time, Kaede’s response is not the “good job for figuring it out, Shuichi!” that she was doing before. She didn’t care if Shuichi figured this out. It didn’t matter what anyone thought of her, after she’d failed them and done such a horrible thing.

Kaito: “So… she tried to end the killing game… by killing the mastermind?”

And now I think Kaito can finally properly accept it, because he has a reason that makes sense. Even if he’s still upset and frustrated that she was desperate enough to take such drastic measures, he understands.

Shuichi: “…But it’s all my fault. Kaede trusted my detective skills. I told her the mastermind might be there… And that’s why she set that trap. It’s all my fault. She trusted my detective work, and I screwed it up!”

Kaede: “Stop… That’s not true… Please, don’t say it’s your fault… It’ll be harder for me… None of this is your fault! It’s mine! Everything’s my fault!”

Kaede does not want to die worried that Shuichi is going to keep blaming himself and suffering because of her mistake. Her only priority now is making sure that everyone else, especially Shuichi, is going to be okay once she’s gone.

Kaede: “I want you to reveal everything that happened and convince everyone… And then… I want you to end this. That’s… my final wish.”

It’s… honestly a little awkward that Kaede calls this request for Shuichi to do a Closing Argument her “final wish”. No, it’s not – her final wish is going to be for everyone to end this killing game and get out of here! There isn’t even really a need to convince everyone at this point – even Kaito has been convinced by now. But of course it’s Danganronpa so we have to do a Closing Argument. I guess Kaede’s really just trying to give Shuichi more chance to practice his detective skills, you could argue?

“I want to help… I want to help you grant Kaede’s wish!”

…I haven’t been mentioning any of the tutorial text for obvious reasons, but this line is cute.

It’s amusing how the Completely Ambiguous Culprit Figure has a very distinctive backpack, making it not ambiguous at all. It does make sense to do that, since the backpack is relevant in a couple of panels.

Shuichi: “We deduced that the mastermind would return there to let Monokuma out.”

No, Shuichi, you deduced that all by yourself. Have some more pride in your deductions! (Not that he would want to in this case because this is the reason Kaede committed murder.)

Shuichi: “The shot kept rolling, then fell on Rantaro’s head, killing him instantly.”

Nope! For once, this is a Closing Argument being straight-up incorrect.

I appreciate this panel of Ambiguous Culprit Kaede being horrified by her guilt even as she’s thinking she killed the mastermind. We’ll even get to see this again in chapter 6 with it actually having Kaede’s face.

Kirumi: “We can at least try to trust the Kaede we’ve come to know up to this point.”

Tenko: “The Kaede we’ve come to know…?”

Kirumi: “Even if she did commit a crime, what Kaede has said to us is not a lie. She wanted to protect us, and I firmly believe that to be the truth.”

Exactly! Too bad Kokichi’s never going to change his tune despite any of this. Also, this is Kirumi showing a surprising amount of personal feelings for her standards. Perhaps because the focus is on how Kaede has been selflessly trying to protect everyone else, which is something Kirumi can definitely understand.

Ryoma: “If that was a lie too, it’d be the last straw for me. I’d have nothing left to believe in.”

Aww, Ryoma! He did want to believe in Kaede despite his grim outlook on things. Seems like she made him want to find a reason to live just a little bit.

Kaede: “You guys are so nice… Even though I betrayed you all…”

Because you have been so nice to them the whole time and you didn’t betray them!

Shuichi: “No! That’s not true, Kaede! You were trying to save all of—”

Kaede: “Nice job, Shuichi! I didn’t expect any less!”

Shuichi: “…What?”

Kaede: “You were super reliable back there! But you still have a long way to go. You need to be more assertive. If you did that more often, you’d be a pretty cool guy.”

Aaaaa Kaede encouraging and giving advice to Shuichi even when she’s about to die! And it’s definitely not a coincidence that she did this as a way to cut off Shuichi’s attempt to make things about how she’s feeling – her own feelings don’t matter next to everyone else’s, especially now she betrayed them and is about to die. She doesn’t want this to be about her at all.

(This attitude of hers is incredibly similar to a certain someone else I could mention who’s going to be encouraging Shuichi a lot from now on.)

Shuichi: “Kaede… why? Why are you smiling like that…? Why are you still trying to get me to be brave? Why, Kaede? Why are you thinking about everyone except yourself!? If you had just been less selfless, you wouldn’t have had to murder… Why…? Why do you do that?”

Unfortunately, Shuichi, you are going to have to get used to having friends who are this heartbreakingly selfless. This won’t be the last time.

Kaede: “…I’m… sorry…”

And of course, the only response Kaede has is to apologise for the fact that her selflessness ended up hurting Shuichi like this.

Monokuma: “The heart-racing excitement as the blackened and the spotless finally face off!”

…Like hell they’re facing off right now, Monokuma. You wish.

The roulette thing which announces the blackened slows down so much that for a moment it almost looks like it’s stopped on Gonta, who’s just before Kaede. Which probably gives first-time players a feeling of “man it sure would be awful if it really was Gonta; good thing that’s clearly never going to happen”. This same thing also happens in trial 2 with Kaito, who’s right next to Kirumi. I have to wonder if that’s deliberate.

---

[Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 1 #class trial #commentary

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adhdo5 · 6 years ago

Note

9 with O5-7 "Teeth" please op i beg you

“I never did understand humans.” – @ozwald-mystery

Tryin something new with this one

I never did understand humans.

I never did understand how they think – they are so small, they can think so little, and yet they can create so much in their own right. Their mimicries of divinity are so far from the reality and yet so close to it. They never understand anything and yet they work around it, approach what they cannot comprehend with models and allegories and crude images and it works, somehow; they worship and believe in things they never saw on sheer “faith.” I remember the Founder and the Nazarene tried to explain faith to me, many times, and I remember how the Nazarene forgot it herself. Perhaps she was not quite human enough anymore. But the Founder never forgot faith, as long as I knew him, and the best explanation I ever received from him was that it was another mechanism to approach that which he and his could not hope to comprehend.

I never did understand it. But then again, he never did understand what he had “faith” in – by all accounts, he should not have, at least. I do not understand to this day how he was so close to correct about so many things.

I never did understand humans. They want to live, and yet they want to die. They want to see, and yet their ignorance is bliss. They want to know, and yet they want to forget – they are like their universe, in all different colors and empty and full. I never did understand how they plotted their rise and then their own downfall. I lose count even now of how many of their congregations I have disrupted – so many of them know nothing of their own well-being. So many of them call for their own destruction. I never did understand humans, any humans, and especially those. I remember being angry. I remember tearing out the ones against their own species’ survival. I remember their bones breaking under my teeth. I remember their names appearing and vanishing from our database, spirited into archives and away from my jurisdiction.

I remember I remember I remember and I do not understand. It is odd – I knew everything, compared to most of the Council, and yet I knew nothing in that room. I know how reality weaves and I know who the loathsome beings of my kind are. I know how to keep them out, and how to keep them in, but I did not know anything else. I did not know Three’s “ethics.” I did not know their “morale.” I knew of rules only my own and this universe’s, and so many rules of ours belong to the human mind. I did not understand. I do not understand. But I will enforce, as they understand better than I do. Any who were deemed harmful by my colleagues, I saw killed.

I know safety, and I know security and containment and protection, but they know it in ways infinitely different from mine; no, I never did understand humans, even as I obey them and as they obeyed me, but I tried to keep them safe as well as I understood, as long as they needed me. They are fragile, but they are strong, and they grow stronger – it is another contradiction they have.

I never did understand humans and their sentiment, not quite – I never understood their affection and their feelings in quite their simple way, and it charmed me as much as it confused me. I never did understand humans and the eight “abstain” votes on the clear matter of my own containment when I outlasted their need for me, and the shameful looks of the three who voted, by necessity, for. I never did understand their suppressed sorrow as I thanked them – none but myself and Tamlin of the Council we had started with, but I love them all as if they had been with me for eons – and I told them I loved them and I could finally rest.

I never did understand humans, no, but one does not need to understand something to love it, and they showed me this and so much more. And as I sleep now, sealed under the facility I helped them design so many millenia ago, I hope I have kept them safe for as long as I served. I hope they are safe now. I hope you are safe now. I love you.

I apologize. I am certain that this is clumsy. I have never quite understood your languages, either.

I hope you understand better than I.

Secure. Contain. Protect.

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orcinus-ocean · 7 years ago

Photo

Whale riders inspired interest in the ocean

By Thad Lacinak, 2015. I am posting this article again (not sure if I did back in 2015?), because it's worth reposting. I added the photos myself, they're not from the article.

Am I destined to be one of the last whale riders? It's a future I can scarcely comprehend. I worked for 35 years at SeaWorld as an animal trainer and retired in 2008 as the vice president and corporate curator of animal training for all of the SeaWorld and Busch Gardens parks. I have dedicated my life to improving animal welfare through positive interactions with humans.

Few people realize that many of the breakthroughs that allowed us to better understand animal behavior, and laid the foundation for the humane way we demand animals be treated today, came about thanks to a select band of marine mammal trainers working with killer whales and dolphins.

Even fewer know that many of these breakthroughs happened at SeaWorld. I dare say that many of the animal activists who protest SeaWorld today earned their awe of killer whales during a childhood visit to the park they now demonize.

As in every organization, there were growing pains. Mistakes did occur, especially in the early years when we knew little about the whales. But there isn't a zoo or aquarium in the world that doesn't have a history of improvement; we simply cannot know what we don't know until we learn it through experience. Every day, SeaWorld inspires people to appreciate our oceans and the creatures that live there. Every day, SeaWorld trainers work tirelessly to ensure the physical and mental health of the animals in their care, rescue animals in distress and share their love for them with the public.

I had an incredible history with my most beloved teacher — a killer whale named Ramu. He was the first orca that we entered the water with. In those days, every day was a lesson, and Ramu was the professor. Though at that time we didn't really understand the principles of operant conditioning the way we do now, we knew one thing: There was no way to dominate a four-ton whale. So we worked tirelessly to become a source of fun for him. We played with him, we swam with him, we gave him affection, and truly, we loved him.

Eventually, he became the whale with whom we performed the first human-whale ballet — a choreographed routine of elegant cooperative interactions between species.

And trust me, the only thing better than watching a person and whale swim in perfect synchronicity was being the person lucky enough to swim with the whale in perfect synchronicity. It was spectacular. It wasn't because of the acrobatics. It was due to the tangible relationship between man and whale — the close connection between man and an aquatic animal that commanded awe. He was magnificent and inspiring. You couldn't help but feel awestruck in the presence of such a gigantic, beautiful creature, even as he splashed a tidal wave of salt water over the crowds' heads.

It is whale riders who made the world fall in love with killer whales. By daring to join them in the water, we made discoveries that not only changed the way animal behaviorists, conservationists and researchers communicate with animals and interpret their behavior, but also transcended the scientific community to influence everything from our current parenting practices to the way ordinary animal lovers interact with their own pets.

Imagine what else these magnificent creatures might teach us — about whales, about the animal mind, and even about ourselves — if only we continue to get closer.

I am proud of the role I played in helping to inspire millions of people to take an interest in whales and their ocean brethren, and I'm optimistic that most people will eventually recognize that these organizations are in fact our best hope of preserving what little is left of the wild, and the amazing creatures that live there.

It is my sincerest hope for future trainers, for the public at large, for my grandchildren and for the whales themselves that a vocal minority of people with extremist views and a handful of politicians pandering for votes aren't successful in their attempts to further dupe a well-meaning, yet ill-informed public.

I pray that I am not one of the last of the whale riders.

Thad Lacinak with Kotar.

#waterwork #SeaWorld #Ramu #Thad Lacinak #Blackfish

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cow3survivor · 4 years ago

Text

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

0 notes

wren-likethe-bird · 8 years ago

Text

The Kissing Booth

A SnowBaz fanfiction

Simon

Once a year, usually in the spring, Watford stages a carnival for the students. It’s usually quite humble, mainly consisting of booths selling small magic trinkets, or snacks like cotton candy, sweets and other classic carnival fare. There’s always the tiny petting zoo over near the Cloisters, and some years Watford even scrapes enough together to bring in a carousel. Most of the booths are run by student volunteers, and though everything is by donation, all proceeds go to whichever charity the student body has voted on.

I go every year, mostly for the caramel apples and sweet cider, but this is the first year I’ve been behind the scenes of the carnival and helped at a booth.

In truth, I didn’t even sign up for it, but Agatha hadn’t had a break all day and needed some cotton candy of her own.

I should have told her to find Penny, or Trixie or even Minty. Anyone but me.

It doesn’t take long for the word to spread that Simon Snow has taken over the Kissing Booth, and mortifyingly the line has doubled in length. Mostly first or second-year girls, blushing and stammering or swaggering up to the counter with a pronounced sway in their step, with the odd boy interspersed through the line.

It’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened to me – that honour goes to the time in second year that Baz stumbled upon a spell that made my clothes slowly dissipate, garment by garment, in the middle of the dining hall – and after the first two or three quick, cold kisses I start to calm down, but I’m counting the minutes until Agatha comes back. How she endured hours of this, I cannot comprehend. That’s just Agatha, I guess.

A redhead drops her donation into the tin and her eyes flit around, meeting me for only a split second at a time, her cheeks aflame. I try to look as non-threatening as I can and lean forward enough that she can close the rest of the space. She darts in with a kiss that’s no more than a peck before running over to a giggling pair of who must be her friends, a triumphant grin on her face. She must have been dared. Poor girl. I hope I wasn’t her first.

“Well, well, well.”

My stomach lurches at the cold drawl I know only too well.

“What are you doing here, Baz?” I say in as civilized a tone as I can manage.

He stands there with his arms crossed over his chest, his mouth in a twist that’s a bit too amused to be a sneer. “When I heard that the Chosen One had taken over the Snogging Booth, I simply had to see it for myself.”

“Well, now you’ve seen it, so now you can go.”

“Saving the World of Mages one kiss at a time,” Baz murmurs with a chuckle. “Not exactly what I was envisioning.”

“I’m only covering for Agatha,” I retort, “she’ll be back in five minutes if you’re wanting her services.”

He scoffs. “I’d rather not snog your girlfriend, thank you very much.”

“She’s not my – forget it,” I shake my head. I’ve told him at least a dozen times, but it never stops him.

“She must have been really desperate for a break to put you in charge,” Baz drawls on, his voice smooth like honey but with too much of a bite to be sweet. “You’d think she’d at least pick someone attractive for the Kissing Booth.”

It stings, but I don’t flinch. “What, someone like you?” I spit back too fast.

His eyebrows shoot up in delighted surprise as I realize my mistake. “You flatter me, Snow,” he purrs, and I feel my cheeks heat up, but I furrow my brow tighter and hope it passes for anger.

“Is there a reason you’re still here?” I growl as the burning spreads from my cheeks to my ears.

“As a matter of fact, there is,” Baz says, and his gray eyes look cool enough to staunch the flames at the tips of my ears, but the more I glare into them the more the fire rages. “I’m here to torment you.”

“Great, well you’ve done that.”

“I wanted to see what you’d do.” He leans on the edge of the counter, bringing his face far too close to mine for comfort. “What would the Mage’s Heir do if his nemesis showed up at the Kissing Booth?”

“You can torment me any time,” I shoot back, “you’re holding up the line.”

“Oh, yes, well,” he feigns conern, “I wouldn’t want to keep anyone from their kiss.”

“Then go away.”

His eyes narrow and he pretends to think. “Mmm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Baz, I’m warning you.”

“Terrifying,” he drones, “but this is too much fun. Besides,” his eyebrow flickers up, “don’t you owe me a kiss?”

I flash him a smirk of my own. “Aw, Baz. If you were so desperate for a kiss, you could’ve just asked.”

Baz, to his credit, doesn’t bat an eye. “You think of that comeback yourself?”

“There’s a fee, you know,” I ignore him, barely having to raise my voice above a murmur for him to hear me, he’s so close. “You haven’t paid the fee, so I don’t owe you anything.”

He doesn’t drop his eyes from mine, and the cool gray takes on the spark of a challenge. Out of my periphery I see him reach into his pocket, and there’s the clatter of coins dropping into the tin.

I should punch him.

I should spit in his face.

I wanted to see what you’d do.

I take him by the lapels and crush his mouth under mine.

He makes a muffled sound of shock. To be fair, so do I, but mine is more angry than it is surprised. I kiss him hard and rough, and it’s a bit of a juxtaposition because his mouth is oddly soft. A face like his, you’d expect his lips to be made of marble, cold and unmoving, but he’s the farthest thing from unmoving. I can’t tell if he’s struggling or if he’s kissing me back but his lips are so, so soft and I want to bruise them, mark them, bite them…

I only stop when a series of wolf whistles reminds me that there are at least ten people watching us.

Trying to salvage the illusion of control, I break away harshly, still gripping him by his collar. The cocky smirk has dropped from his smooth features and now his face mirrors mine, a matching scowl, like I’ve crossed a dangerous line. I probably have.

“Was that what you wanted?” I growl.

He doesn’t answer, just holds my gaze another few seconds before pushing back from the table, his lapels slipping out of my hands, and stalking away.

***

I don’t see Baz at the carnival after that, and I stay as long as the booths are open, perusing the same counters and feigning interest even after having looked through their contents three times. I keep Penny company where she mans the popcorn booth, drizzling caramel over every few cartons, and I even get bored enough to hang around Agatha back at the Kissing Booth for a little while, until one too many patrons have asked if I’m available for service. When she and Penny are freed we pet the goats at the petting zoo, the ones that Ebb has graciously volunteered for the event, and take a few spins on the carousel. Only once the light has begun to fade and the signs are being lowered from their booths do the three of us part ways. Even then, I offer to help Ebb get her goats back safely.

Basically, I’m doing anything I can to put off going back to the room, but eventually I can’t avoid it any longer. I’ve wandered the grounds enough times that the sun has properly disappeared behind the distant hills and I can barely see the ground in front of me. Even then I’m tempted to consider crazy alternatives like spending the night at Ebb’s place, but I’m pretty sure that would be against school rules anyway, and besides, I’ll have to face Baz eventually. There’s no undoing what’s happened.

When I finally trudge back into the room, he’s staring out the window at the moat, presumably trying to intimidate the merwolves, but he turns at the sound of the door. His expression, though I don’t see it for long before I look away, is hard to read. Wide eyes and a furrowed brow, like he’s still mad at me for my stunt earlier, but there’s a bit of a questioning edge there, too. Almost a where were you edge.

Normally I have to start any type of conversation, but tonight he wastes no time. “What the hell was that, Snow?”

There’s no question as to what he’s referring, and I can’t help but get angry again. “Me? You’re the one who had to start something!”

“Well, you didn’t have to react so drastically,” he mutters, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall by the window, the moonlight casting its glow on his skin and making him even paler than usual, almost transparent. I half expect fangs to slide out from his lips for no reason and complete the picture.

His soft, soft lips.

“You were egging me on,” I seethe, the memory igniting the rage that I’d felt in the fractured moment before kissing him, “it’s your fault anything happened.”

“Proud little hero,” Baz says with the slightest smirk, “can’t back down from a challenge.”

“You know I can’t, not in front of people.”

“Wouldn’t want them to think the Heir is a coward.”

I feel like a balloon in me is swelling and deflating at once. “But that’s just it, Baz,” I insist, anger momentarily aside. “If they think I’m afraid, what reason do they have to hope?”

He doesn’t answer right away, and for a second I think maybe he understands. I want so badly for him to understand.

“No reason,” Baz eventually says, turning to look out the window again, “not with someone like you as the Chosen One.”

I want to groan, to kick something, to shake him by the shoulders and make him look me in the eye and for once not fight me. Have we ever in our lives made eye contact without there being some challenge between us?

“Why did you have to get in that line?” I shake my head. “There are so many other ways of tormenting me, lower-stakes ways.”

“To be fair, I’ve already exhausted most of those,” Baz murmurs with a little shrug of his shoulders.

“When have you ever been fair?”

“Touché.”

I’m tired of standing here at the door, so I kick off my shoes and sit down on my bed, trying not to think about how much closer I am to him now, still at the window, looking as vampiric as ever. His gray eyes are positively silver in the moonlight, and the black of his hair looks silkier than ever, as if it’s soaking the rays directly into him. He almost glows. I have to laugh a little, because more than once Baz has mockingly compared me, with my bronze curls and sky-blue eyes, to the sun, but he himself wears a halo of night. If I am the sun, then Baz is most certainly the moon. Distant, cold, mysterious, almost too pristine to touch.

His gaze returns to me suddenly. He raises an eyebrow in a wordless inquiry, and I realize I’ve been staring.

“What exactly was it you expected me to do?”

“At what point, Snow?” he gives a humourless laugh. “You had more than one opportunity to react.”

“When you paid the fee.”

His tiny smile disappears. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“Drop it, Snow,” he says, the hardness returning to his eyes, and I know I’ve cornered him. Drop it is Baz’s way of betraying himself, of saying there’s something that he doesn’t want to tell.

“Was I supposed to kiss you?” I ask. For some reason I have to know.

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know, Snow, punch me. Push me. Beat me to the ground. Something.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “Wait. You wanted me to hit you?”

He shrugs, more with his head than his shoulder. “One of us has to get hurt, right?”

I rise to my feet, and I’m face-to-face with him again, only his eyes are different this time. Whereas at the booth he had betrayed no hint of doubt at our closeness, now there’s a flicker of something in the silver, something that feels a lot like the way my heart is racing in my chest, and it dawns on me. He was putting on a show at the carnival, acting like nothing I could do would get to him, just as I had been.

If they think I’m afraid, what reason do they have to hope?

One of us has to get hurt, right?

And suddenly it makes sense.

There’s only a few inches between us, so it feels almost natural when I lean in and press the gentlest of kisses to his lips.

He doesn’t kiss me back this time, but he doesn’t move away either. “What was that for?” he asks when I draw back a second later.

“You act like we’re so different,” I say wonderingly, “but we’re the same.”

“How?”

“What do you think we’d be if we didn’t have to fight each other?”

I don’t miss the split second of longing in his eyes. “Keep dreaming, Snow.”

“Because I bet it would involve a lot more of this.” I bring a hand up to his neck, my fingers instantly lost in the wavy tips of his hair and it’s exactly as soft as it looks bathed in moonlight.

Baz closes his eyes like he has to collect himself. “You’re the hero. I’m the villain. What more do I have to say?”

“Fuck that,” I chuckle, “we both know that’s not true. You’re a boy, and I’m a boy. That’s all.”

“Tell that to the rest of the world.”

“I don’t care about the rest of the world,” I shake my head adamantly, “I want to know what you think.”

“About what?”

“If there was no act, no reputation, no role to play,” I murmur, “if we were just two boys, what would you do?”

Baz returns my gaze a moment, searching my eyes.

Then his lashes close and he’s kissing me, and my eyes drift shut again like I’m sighing in relief.

I let my fingers tangle higher up in his hair while my other hand grips the front of his shirt like earlier, only without the anger of the afternoon. He angles his head further and guides the kiss deeper, his hands gently gripping my waist and pulling me closer. I melt against him, my mouth moving with his, my head swimming with his citrusy scent, and I can’t hold back the moan that escapes my throat when he takes my bottom lip between his teeth in a gentle tug. Suddenly I’m floating, weightless, and Baz gives a muffled sound of surprise when I press back a little harder.

When we finally break apart, both of us gasping and dizzy, I immediately want more, want to line his neck with my mouth, want to feel his breath hitch when I reach the base of his throat, want to hear my name in his sigh. Would he sigh Snow or Simon? I want to know.

“Please,” I whisper, dotting a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “can’t we just be two boys?”

When I meet his eyes, they’re full of more longing than ever.

In response, he kisses a soft, slow triangle pattern on my cheek, and I recognize the pattern of the three moles by my eye, and I can’t help but smile.

“We can try.”

#here's a thought that I had last night and literally thought myself to sleep planning it #have some angry kisses and some fluffy kisses #what more could you want #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #carry on #rainbow rowell #my writing #late night write #fanfiction #also a tad bit of carnival aesthetic #which is my jam #the kissing booth

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evilelitest2 · 8 years ago

Text

100 Days of Trump, 27/100: The Big Short

Ok so this is a tad awkward because this movie isn’t actually good. From a directorial perspective it is actually pretty awful, the strict is extremely badly planed, the dialogue is awkward and the movie is no were near as clever as it thinks it is, really the only thing it has going for it is the acting, the editing, and the subject matter. Oh and of course this film has no female characters so just a head up. But turns out, sometimes that is enough, and it is important to understand, a lot of Trump voters had just watched this movie before voting, if you want to understand the problem, we need to look at the event which made this level of extremism possible, cause frankly there aren’t enough movies about the 2008 crash which actually like....explain it. And with the exception of one stupid scene( The Selina Gomez scene doesn’t actually make sense) this does a good job of explaining exactly why so many fucking experts were unable to predict the 2008 crash, even when it was really obvious the whole fucking thing was going to fall apart.

youtube

I want it noted for the record that when I was in high school studying the great depression i predicted the 08 crash, so this movie appeals to me personally a great deal. I got the date wrong though, i thought it would be 2007 or 2009. Ok moving on

The movie follows all of the people who actually saw this coming, mostly because they made the effort to actually examine the bonds in detail rather than simply dismissing them out of hand. So some guys look at the loans in detail and go “Wait a second, this shit sticks” and tells other people. And they go “Wait....the entire economy is going to crash, why isn’t anybody talking about this? If it was going to crash, somebody would have noticed this first right?” So everybody assumes somebody knows what they are doing and keep on keeping on, because obviously a giant economic crash would get the attention of somebody important right? LIke nobody would just ignore this right? Like the Government, Banks, Wall street, major CEOs and the Rating’s agencies couldn’t all be asleep at the wheel right? Some of this super smart economists from the Austrian School would have done something about this right? Well turns out everybody fucking involved is a moron and all of them are complicet, because Austrian/Supply Side/Neoliberal economics do not work, and all they do is create long term problems.

youtube

Yet again, the 2008 crash was a product of deregulation, and severs as yet another reason why Supply Side economics are terrible, because if the goverment doesn’t regulate bonds to ensure that they aren’t terrible, private companies and banks in particular are going to run wild because corporations cannot think long term, they just don’t have that ability, they do what works in the short term and hope to bail out right before everything goes to shit. And because the problems emerge decades down the line, we don’t blame the right people, the crash is directly the results of Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and the Bushes but they don’t get enough blame for fucking this up. And of course, nobody got punished. This system was put in place in 1980, and since it has been 28 years since then everybody involved in the system buys into the initial assumption made in 1980, because all the people who said “Hey this is going to cause a crash in 30 years” weren’t paid attention to so literally everybody involved from the bank to the Fed to the Rating Agencies to the investors all buy into the false premise made in 1980 that deregulation is an inherent economic good. So everybody buys into this system, every single person in the process to get there has to be a complete deregulation tool and they can’t see the fucking problem.

youtube

Also critically the regulations agencies have had their budgets cut, they can’t do their job. So if you taxed the rich and actually payed for regulation, we wouldn’t have the 2008 crash. The film also talks about Wall Streets absolute bullshit pseudo macho bullshit, everybody is totally convinced they are this sort of lone individual bootstraps character who blazes a trail but they are all the same fucking hacks doing the same things as everybody else. And the amount of money is so overwhelming it is kinda hard to mentally comprehend and critically....the Wall Street execs don’t understand this shit any more than we do. And when people are cynical about the whole process, they still assume some of it is working, when the whole thing is actually more corrupt than even the anti Wall Street people assume. The whole thing was falling apart for over a year and nobody fucking did anything. this is why Hillary Clinton was such a terrible choice, because the Clintons helped make this happen in the first place and tied by the hip to Wall Street.

youtube

But most important of all, nobody blamed people correct, everybody instead blamed hte wrong peopel, the bailout was necessary but it didn't come with the punishments for Wall Street, instead everybody in power pretended that everything was fine...and them blamed immigrants and poor people. And elected a CEO and thought he would fix it. Look, I know the movie isn’t all that good, but if there is a single clip to watch, let it be this last one, the most important of them all.

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America never seems to learn the lesson every time and the people who do it always get away with it. Welcome to Trump’s America.

#100 Days of Trump #The Big Short #Ryan Gosling #2008 crash #CDO #Supply Side economics #Ronald Reagan #Collateralize debt #Collateralize debt obligation #vodoo economics #anthony bourdain #selima gomez #steave carell #Adam Mckay #the shannara chronicles #Bernie sanders #Bailout #alan greenspan

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paulatoo · 6 years ago

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She’s Back, I’m watching on a 15 minute delay until the election.

I am going to be completely honest I do not look forward to broaching the subject at all. Due to the fact that this morbid taboo is unfortunately sometimes necessary and definitely going to be an even hotter topic than usual all of the upcoming elections I'm going to put out my thoughts and my information on the subject.

This post is brought to you in large part by the John Perry for congress campaign and the pro-life pack and all the misleading information I am seeing posted about infanticide. I don’t consider myself anti-life or pro death, but I am pro truth.

On this topic, as well as all the rest, I think the best thing to do when you see that and incendiary or clickbait headline is to do the research. The magic of the internet allows us to visit State websites to read the laws for ourselves these days.

I would also like to say that as a younger person my position on the subject of becoming impregnated, despite taking precautions, was that you would carry the baby anyway. Life experience has taught me that maybe that is not the best idea. I personally have not had an abortion, but I do have great compassion for those who have had to either make that choice, or had a spontaneous abortion also known as a miscarriage.

I think that there are medically necessary abortions and it should be legal for a doctor, in a sterile setting, to perform them when needed. I do not think that anyone who is the victim of incest or any other form of rape should be forced to carry a baby to term.

Although I do believe in father's rights, perhaps when men start carrying the children in their own bodies they should have a vote on the subject, perhaps until then they should only have a half vote. The only thing in the realm of reproductive rights that I think would maybe even cause men to comprehend what it's like to have someone tell you what you can or cannot do with your body, would include outlawing pills such as Viagra, penile implants, etc.

I have previously stated at other times that I think the Republican pain-capable abortion bill is it acceptable compromise. The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act (also colloquially known as Micah's Law) HB36 https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/36

Some Pro-lifers seemed to think everyone who ever becomes pregnant should have to carry a baby. Further some of those pro-lifers think that you should have to carry a baby regardless of your economic, health, addiction, mental health, circumstances of conception. And that every fetus becomes a healthy viable baby.

Then want to deprive the child of reasonable care because somehow despite the fact they believe everyone should have these babies they don't believe in welfare to support them. I have always found that kind of confusing.

I have also found it confusing when people are anti-abortion to the point that a nonviable fetus, who is endangering the life of its mother, would be chosen over the life of the mother (even when she was the mother to other children, or could become the mother to other children in the future.)

Then there's one of their favorite arguments against pro-choice laws: that people could just easily go get an abortion because they were irresponsible. First of all I think that's an oversimplification of the situation. Secondly though, do we want people who could just go and have an abortion without a second thought having children? Do we want people who do not want to be pregnant carrying children when they're not likely to take care of their bodies or the unborn child?

Then there's the other situation we're men who don't want to be Father's beat their pregnant girlfriend's and wives into an abortion. That's it illegal too, but unfortunately it happens even with legalized abortion.

Being pro-life is not just a Christian thing by the way, Muslims and Jews and many other religions are also pro-life. I will admit though when a lot of the anti-abortion items were written into religious doctrine there was not a sanitary environment safely perform abortions. That's a situation we find ourselves back in at times where abortions are not available legally in a medical facility.

I believe there are a lot of abortion-related misconceptions that our politicians could do a better job of educating us all on. The majority of the pro-life crowd seems to think that all children conceived, carried and born are going to be happy, healthy, bouncing babies. Sadly some of them even seem to think they're all going to be little white babies. Or born into having a good life and be a good person.

The pro-life side can take solace in the fact that at least the people from Central America and Mexico seeking asylum in the United States are Christians, and most of them are Catholic, and that is a religious faction that strongly opposes both birth control and abortion. But I'm pretty sure you can find people on your own social media feeds who are posting both proclaiming that we need to build the wall, if not kill the Invaders, and claiming to be pro-life. That makes my brain hurt.

I think my stance is primarily pro-choice, with the hope that no one would ever have to make that choice, but if they did I would like for them to have safe legal medical abortions available.

The biggest question these days seems to be for how long the fetus would be able to develop into an infant. Technically life does begin at conception, but it's not viable life. Whatever point in development is decided upon to be the cutoff for an abortion, that is not medically necessary to save the life of the mother, practicality would dictate that it should be at least long enough for the woman to realize that she is pregnant, but before the child would be viable outside of the womb.

Recently though the big debate has been springing up around what’s being called infanticide. I had seen some misinformation CBN has posted regarding the New York S240 abortion law changes that they cast in the light that a mother could choose, after birth of a healthy child, whether or not to keep the child alive. I was so incensed by that that I went and did some research and I found that's not what the law says. https://legislation.nysenate.gov/pdf/bills/2019/S240 Since then Factcheck.org as also addressed it https://www.factcheck.org/2019/02/addressing-new-yorks-new-abortion-law/

I have been tortured by and possibly mentally damaged by the incessant campaign ads I've Seen at least 10 times a day courtesy of the Dr. Joan Perry for Congress funded by pro-life PACs campaign. Unfortunately I found out recently that I must brace myself for round two of those ads. I have reached out to her campaign here is a copy of my post: Posted on Joan Perry for Congress 5/6/19 Well first allow me to congratulate you on your success. Secondly though will any future ad campaigns that include references to infanticide include any educational information such as: Are these happy healthy viable children? Or are they damaged & therefore required to suffer until they die on their own? How long would they be required to suffer? I do know the CDC study "Mortality Records with Mention of International Classification of Diseases-10 code P96.4...."cited approximately 4 infant deaths nationwide, per year, that were not indicated as due to maternal complication or congenital defect, but the other avg. 8 per year were. As a Dr. & Congressional candidate can you access additional information & educate us on the condition of the infants & their viability? As much as I detest the subject it is best to be informed & God knows I was exposed to TV ads about it at least 10 times a day for about a month so I am hoping you can educate myself & others more thoroughly on the condition of the infants in these cases.

I posted a very similarly worded question to her leading opponent.

Then Greg Murphy 5/11/19 Glad my vote helped you, just wish it put you over 30% though. There is an education related question I have for you similar to what was already asked of Dr. Perry: Will you be able to use your position as a Dr. to help educate your constituents on health related upcoming bills disclosing the known facts on the matter? 'Will any future ad campaigns that include references to infanticide include any educational information such as: Are these happy healthy viable children? Or are they damaged & therefore required to suffer until they die on their own? How long would they be required to suffer? I do know the CDC study "Mortality Records with Mention of International Classification of Diseases-10 code P96.4...."cited approximately 4 infant deaths nationwide, per year, that were not indicated as due to maternal complication or congenital defect, but the other avg. 8 per year were. As a Dr. & Congressional candidate can you access additional information & educate us on the condition of the infants & their viability? As much as I detest the subject it is best to be informed & God knows I was exposed to TV ads about it at least 10 times a day for about a month so I am hoping you can educate myself & others more thoroughly on the condition of the infants in these cases.'

I have been pleasantly surprised that I've not been attacked and maligned, at least not to my face, for asking if people with better access to information on these topics are planning to educate their voters about these subjects, and other health related topics, with facts that they have better access to as doctors so that we can make better decisions.

CDC study https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/health_policy/mortality-records-mentioning-termination-of-pregnancy.htm

The term botched abortion does not necessarily indicate to me that the child would be unscathed from the attempted abortion. I am at least trying to find out more information on that from these medical professionals.

I was able to find some information on the North Carolina born alive bill https://www.newsobserver.com/news/politics-government/article229400234.html. I don't think it was necessary to be written or past, because there are already laws in place to protect children and require that they receive medical attention once born and before. Politicians can continue to debate that law though. I'm pretty sure it was basically just a tug of war bill so that either side could show that they had done something on the topic to the voters.

If you want to debate me on the pros and cons of praying pro-life or pro-choice I would caution you that I am not especially anti-life or anti-choice. You will however need to be prepared to answer at what point between conception and natural death your support for life ends, why life matters more than quality of life, why you don't believe God will assign that soul to another body, etc. and be prepared to wait a really long time for an answer because I've got a lot of other things to do.

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anchorwind · 6 years ago

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Of Anger and Everyday Americans

What is anger? In my younger days I would have I would have told you anger is a force of destruction used to justify the worst in all of us; I would have told you anger is a means by which otherwise good people are capable of terrible things; I would have told you anger is to be avoided for it does brings naught but harm. Having spent a great deal of time trying to understand the past, my past as well as my country's past, I have tried to gain a greater understanding of anger. I now understand anger to be a fundamental part of the human experience. Anger is an actionable emotion or force, it drives us, compels us, to act. What is this action? Protection. Anger, even right down to the base fight-or-flight responses, brings forth the energy and drive, the will and focus, to protect. We become angered, and then wish to protect, frequently as everyday Americans in our everyday lives. If your face is struck, you get angry and act in order to protect your face. If you are insulted, you get angry and act in order to protect your ego. People, in angered states, act to protect all sorts of things: lifestyles, countries, families, ideals, records, myths and legends, and more. Anger, being a potentially explosive actionable emotion has the potential to be a tool for constructive change or terrible regret. Unfortunately, I live in a time and place wherein anger has been wielded more as a weapon of fear and oppression than for anything inspiring joy or peace. I live in a time and place wherein there are powers-that-be who have figured out anger is an infinite wealth generating device from those who tend to be: small-minded, closed-minded, and malleable. Entire (mega) churches, 24/7 media networks, political networks, advertising campaigns, and social media operations have been designed to manipulate you into doing their bidding. A primary tool which makes the aforementioned so successful is the anger of the audience. I would like to remind you at this point, dear reader, most people on an individual level are actually pretty cool. Most people have positives to bring to the table. People aren't born evil, they're taught evil by others. This learned evil, this cyclical evil does make people do and believe in terrible things. However, some of it stems from that anger-protection relationship, many: racists, sexists, homophobes, etc, are afraid of something and are trying to protect themselves in some way, harmful though their actions may be objectively. Everyday Americans have been getting systemically screwed for generations. This isn't even news. What is news is the sheer scale of it; it is hard to comprehend the magnitude when you begin to understand. For example, it is easy to feel sympathy for Black people in marginalized inner city neighborhoods in the sense of the level of racism from every angle that made the ghetto a thing: from the reason Black people came here to begin with, through institutional racism at banks, and every other place in America, it is easy to understand. It's virtually everywhere and almost impossible to ignore unless, perhaps, you're racist yourself and trying extraordinarily hard to convince yourself facts aren't real. When you look at the experiences of Minorities, and Women, as a collective whole, things are still fairly easy to understand. It may not be quite as in your face and egregious but it's still virtually impossible to ignore unless you construct your own alternate reality. This is where those churches, media, politicians, etc., come in. They, using fear-driven anger are actually constructing alternate realities for people who are themselves being screwed, but not by the people they are told to be angry at. I now live in a time and place wherein the alleged 'leader' can stand in front of microphones and actually tell his audience to ignore what they are seeing and hearing. That individual is telling his audience to discard objectivity and be comforted by the alternate reality that feeds into the anger, the particular anger that suits the goals of: the political party, the media network, the advertisers, the church coffers, etc. While fear-driven anger is being rained upon us from pulpits, airwaves, and screens of all sizes, we who are trying to keep everyday Americans all focused on the real problems are being drowned out. Anger is energetic, anger is loud and raucous. Anger can be a self-perpetuating echo-chamber of impressive quality and quantity. Anger does not like competition, often enough. What is the upper limit of anger? Does it have one? I think you cannot exhaust anger, but instead focus and channel it appropriately. You must educate the angry and pull back the curtain of Oz for they have been dividing and conquering us for far too long. Yes, there are certain parties and groups more guilty than others but no one is clean here. However, why do we fight amongst ourselves for diminishing scraps when we watch them decimate the economy, and the environment, and scoop up it all up for pennies on the dollar (with no real consequences)? Why do we re-litigate the same fights, instead of investing into the human capital of ourselves for ourselves and our progeny? Why do we allow ourselves to be perpetually reactive, instead of seizing our potential to be proactive? These, and more, are where anger is, and should be, a valuable ally. These are problems facing everyday Americans in which we need to be angry. We need to be angry about the state of voting (suppression, etc), gerrymandering, representation, economic inequality, freedom of information, privacy, human rights (women's, LGBT, immigrants, children's, etc), and just the plain ol' fact we have a level of corruption in the government so astounding we can't even unpack one catastrophe before we learn of the next. However, even the simple act of establishing a problem in this time and place in which I live will bring out misguided angry responses from those who feel they need to protect 'their team.' The alternate reality created by the fear-driven anger has created this new black-and-white paradigm. "You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists" said George W. Bush not that long ago. Similarly, an increasingly common thought process postulates Nixon would not have faced consequences if Fox News had been around in his time. Nixon was just at the forefront of what would truly become the fear-driven anger we see now, the manufactured outrage and faux hate. I see hope on the horizon, as I do with many things. The people from whom I experience the greatest degree or frequency of fear-driven anger, of blind anger, of unresponsive alternate reality anger, tend to be a narrowing demographic of people who represent everyday Americans less and less. I understand part of why fear-driven anger works so well on them is who they are and what they feel they're trying to protect. The people peddling the anger and fear to them are doing well to convince them equality for us is taking something away from them, being they were the ones who had it all from the start. However, that's not what equality means here in the real world. Here amongst us angry everyday Americans, hungry for change, we have growing awareness of how our world came to be. We have a growing awareness of what we need to do about it, and how to get there - which includes loving and educating that narrowing demographic preyed upon by the fearmongers. The road often feels impossibly long and littered with people who profit from obstructing progress. However, anger gives us drive and focus. I still have a lot to learn about how to be assertive, and how to be on the constructive side of anger. My country still has a lot to damage to repair, but both myself and my country is emerging from dark periods in time better in the long run with a tool in our arsenal. ~Monk Anchorwind P.S. - I am many things: passionate, creative, flawed, vulnerable, scarred, patient, hopeful, broken, driven, empathetic, flexible, remorseful, forward-thinking... I am not, however, small-minded. My fault list is deep and many, but I can at least look in the mirror and know I have always pushed myself and those in my surroundings to think deeper, be more accepting, challenge perspectives. The surface answer (what you are presented) is rarely the full answer. This is true in maths, sciences, human nature to include all the things we've invented (religion, movies, what you see in the news, et al.,) . Invest in yourself and your fellow man (as in humanity) to feel more, think more, get out of your comfort zone some. We're all better for it. We're just people called people on a planet called dirt. We're all on the same team, who generally want the same things. We evolved from the same place and are headed in the same direction - as in literally, we orbit the same mundane star in the same galaxy at speeds hard to fathom in an ever expanding universe so impossibly large we will never, ever, learn it all. We, individually and collectively, are capable of a great many things. It's such a waste we've squandered the bulk of our existence already and are on course to continue doing so. Perhaps we'll actually channel our anger for constructive purposes and right our wrongs. There are more of us then there are of them and the system relies on us. It would be painful, and we want to protect our families and such, but when is enough enough? Much love. Read the full article

#2019

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houseofmysojourn · 7 years ago

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Part II - The Academy: Issues of Class and Kingdom

For as difficult as it may be to find a calling in church, it may be equally difficult -- if not impossible -- for me to find it in the academy. Certainly, it is impossible to find it in the academy apart from the church. But as much as the church creates difficulties for a single woman with advanced degrees in Bible like myself, the academy is also tough. At the end of the day, it is not my world. I fear that it is not a world that I can ever fully belong to, and if I'm being honest, I fear it's not one I want to belong to either.

I have learned some unexpected things at Duke. I thought I would find a lot of people like myself, people who had the same interests and the same types of intelligences. I honestly thought that there would be a type of belonging I could enjoy in the academy that I could not enjoy elsewhere.

Yet, this has been far from the case. Someone asked me recently if I felt alienated at Duke. As I thought about it, it occurred to me that it is not so much a feeling that I have been alienated as that I am simply an alien. I think there are many reasons for this, reasons that I have only recently begun to fully grasp.

For one, I have learned that the academy is full of people from certain social classes, certain higher social classes. I did not grow up poor by any means; but, I think it is safe to say that my parents did, and I grew up around a lot of poor people, with a lot of what you might call "poor people perspectives". Because I grew up with security for my daily needs, this is not a perspective that I was aware I had. I was not aware that I would be one of the only people from my social class at Duke. I wasn't even aware that I had a social class. But there are significant differences between the way that I think and live in the world, and the way the average Duke person does. The Duke world is hardly intelligible to me sometimes, and it is not intelligible at all to the folks I grew up with.

Likewise, while people here at Duke think they know a lot about the world, there are aspects of life where I grew up that they could never comprehend. (A wonderful example is the absolute shock and horror of my classmates and professors after the election of Donald Trump. I was equally shocked at their collective shock!) There are a lot of things taken for granted here that I cannot imagine taking for granted, and that even my friends in undergrad would never have taken for granted. Some of these things are infuriating, some of them have been deeply hurtful, and some of them just make me feel lonely.

In spite of all this, it is the aspiration of so many in lower social classes to attain to this level, even as they are at the same time (often justly) suspicious of this world and what it promotes. A lot of my friends -- even friends far poorer and more marginalized than myself -- could have made it here if all it came down to was capacity. But they would never think to try. The possibility is not on their horizons.

Furthermore, I think there is something in many poor people which rightly discerns that they would not belong here, and that in order to belong here, they might have to change so much of who they are as to no longer be recognizable. And they are, in so many ways, right about that.

I've been caught up in it too. Without realizing what I was doing, I would help to make poor, ignorant, conservative, white America the butt of every joke, the background of every subtle jab, the gold standard of what not to be, the source of the world's ills, and what we as Christians must attempt to distance ourselves from as much as possible. In places like Duke Div there seems to always be this fear that if we claim Christianity, the world at large might think we are claiming those people -- and by "the world at large," I mostly mean the world of higher class, educated people. I mostly mean the academy. It has taken me two years to wake up to what this means.

So much of what happens here seems to be apologetics for the elites. We think we are in danger of being excised from the academy or thought poorly of because the name "Christian" might lump us in with so many undesirables. We must meet certain standards, standards for language and methods and style of writing, in order to prove that we belong here too, that we deserve our place -- from individual professors trying to get tenure, to PhD students defending dissertations, to master's students seeking affirmation for their dreams.

Poverty, ignorance, ignominy, and bigotry are viewed as contagions, and the way we sanitize and show our cleanliness to others is by publicly denouncing the people to whom these illnesses are believed to stick.

Now don't get me wrong: the folks I grew up with definitely think, in a certain way, that they are better than more educated people from higher classes. There is almost the sense, in some churches, that it is better for people not to pursue advanced education in Bible, even from more conservative institutions. But, I think the folks I grew up around also feel a certain amount of shame, failure, and disenfranchisement in the current social and political scene, and there is not a lick of that feeling here. Here, there is only success and the threat of losing it, of becoming like them. In certain ways, I'm convinced that both sides are right and both wrong. There are truths about each of these locations that can only be seen from a true outsider's perspective, and they are truths that the Evil One works to keep us from discovering. Because in discovering them, perhaps we would be reconciled, and in being reconciled, perhaps we would see where we stand before God.

When I came here, it was on the advice of my professors in undergrad. They thought I would flourish here, and that this was a place from which I could have a shot at getting a job in an ever more competitive field. I also think I honestly wanted to know what it was that my friends and family were so suspicious of. And, part of me actually hoped deep down that people here would, in light of their education, be more open and charitable to others than the folks I grew up with. I hoped I would have breathing room to be charitable that I didn't have in more fundamentalist spaces.

But there is a big difference between me and many of my classmates from evangelical backgrounds: I am not bitter against the people I grew up with. I am not bitter against my parents. I may disagree with them on a few things, but we agree far more than we disagree. There are plenty of people here who do not even know a Trump-voter or a "climate denier" personally, and for many it would be unthinkable to actually take them seriously and listen deeply to them; certainly, they would not allow themselves to be personally critiqued or challenged by them.

Here, there are as many unforgivable sins as in fundamentalism. There is a legalism as harsh and exacting as Puritanism. And this semester it suddenly dawned on me: there are actually some people here who would want some people in my family dead. In the perfect world of many at Duke, my family might not exist.

I type these words through tears, because as wrong as they may be, I love them. I love all of them.

But no matter how much I take from this place, when it comes to my family, I have no choice but to listen to them. I have no choice but to be challenged by them, critiqued, to hear their concerns and perspectives. And I've started to realize how right they are about a lot of things. They're just not in the position to express those critiques in a way that will make any sense to the people who need to hear them. And yeah, they don't wanna hear critiques on their end either.

I get it. There are times when the flip-flop between break and school has felt intolerable. There are times when I have just really not wanted to be asked if I drank the liberal kool-aid, or how I navigate my faith at a "secular" school like Duke Divinity. There are times when I haven't wanted to hear about how the world is going to hell because of liberals.

There are times when I haven't wanted to come back to school and hear people make fun of the simple, uneducated faith of old church ladies -- ladies who have been to hell and back again and who love others in radically Jesus-like ways, ladies who I am sure will gain crowns in heaven far out of our reach. There are times when I haven't wanted to sit through another tirade about how the church has contributed to systemic poverty from people who think they're really sacrificing for Jesus by taking a job where they'll only make a starting salary of 40k. There are times when I haven't wanted to hear about how the world is going to hell because of evangelicals.

Here, being a Christian seems to equal voting for Hillary. Back home, it seems to equal voting for Trump. But I'm starting to think it equals loving God and your neighbor, and that maybe we need to talk more about how to do that personally than about how to vote. I don't know what this so-called Christian madness is that thinks a vote is more important than a cup of cold water. Oh if only we could get back the time we spent watching the news and debating each other about the election, and give it back to God and our neighbors! If only we could cleanse our eyes and our hearts from their disease! If only we could return to the Lord our God, and He would have compassion on us.

I'm exhausted. I have seen how exhausting it is to seek after success, to care so damned much what people think. I have seen the utter vanity in riches and prestige. I have seen demonic things here. God has opened my eyes to some crazy stuff. And I think I have cracked just enough under all the pressure to let at least a little bit of the light in.

In the words of Kendrick Lamar, I have seen that love may get you killed, but that pride's gonna be the death of you, and you, and me, and you, and you, and you, and me. I have come out realizing that "in a perfect world. . .I'd take all the religions and put 'em all in one service, just to tell 'em we ain't shit, but He's been perfect, world."

The "perfect world" for many of the folks I grew up with, and the "perfect world" of the folks I've gone to school with do not agree. The visions that seem to dominate both of these spaces are fractured, damaged visions. I believe that both of them, in certain ways, approximate the Kingdom, but both of them also fall far short. And neither of them have room for undesirables. Neither of them have room for all of the children of God, for all of the ones for whom Christ died. The Kingdom, on the other hand, is so much greater than these visions. The Kingdom includes the reconciliation of all things. The Kingdom calls us to true, personal repentance, repentance that will cause us all to listen to the ways in which the other side is being used by God to show us our wrongs.

If I am an academic, I will not stop being an evangelical, and I will not stop being loyal to the village of people who raised me and made me who I am. I have no problem with being poor, with having just enough to get by. And I hope I have no problem with being despised and being spoken ill of. If I am an academic, I need to see how my work matters to the people I grew up with and to the church in general, as much as it matters to the world's elites. I want to satisfy the requirements of the Kingdom, not the academy, and certainly not the economy. But is that even possible? How does one preach a gospel that is despised, in a place so dominated by prestige? Can a path to career advancement also be a path to repentance, and if so, how?

Does my repentance involve me going on for doctoral work and living into "the dream"? Am I supposed to serve the church (as some of my friends have suggested) by being a light of some much-needed truth in academic circles? Or is this the suggestion everyone makes because it makes sense according to the world's standards? Because we think that Christians should seek worldly influence to make the gospel effective?

The gospel is found first in weakness, but the academy holds itself up as a bastion of meritocratic strength. And sometimes Christian higher ed is the worst.

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cow3survivor · 4 years ago

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Ep. 2: “I’m Trying To Lay Low” - Jake

JENNET

plan worked fabulously purrrrrrrrr

(a little later)

maybe its me being paranoid but why are jake,jones, and lindsay always the last three to leave calls............ when i have a f2 with all of em....

JESSICA

Song of the day is ELVIS by AOA. My favourite workout bop. Silver got voted out! So sad, I wanted to play with him. But also, kinda cool! This is the only game I have played where I truly didn't know anyone (except my very first ORG). What an experience. I know last confessional I said Sam and Shane were both kinda on the fence for me in terms of if I wanted to maybe work with them or not. An update: I think I want to work with both! Both of them, unprompted, told me they wanted to work with me if we lost immunity, and I have actually been getting along well with both of them I feel now that our conversations are moving past the sort of awkward beginning stages. I still like Sammy even though I probably should talk to him more oops... and Daisy/Lovelis/Ethan are also still in my good books. I kind of keep forgetting Pete and Cloud are on this tribe but when I remember, I am happy they are here. That being said, I think Cloud or Madison will be the first to go if we lose. Cloud is very inactive. Madison is too but she was at least on the call tonight. It might come down to how immunity goes. I want to participate because it will bond us as a team. That way even if we lose, I was a part of the team effort and won't stand out as someone who people don't know or want to work with. Also while I personally want Cloud or Madison out as I know them the least, I am not going to push it. I'll let somebody else throw out a name and as long as that name isn't Jessica then I will consider it. I sort of chilled today with the social game and only messaged people as they messaged me. The vibe of this team is very relaxed from what I can tell and I didn't want to overdo it with conversations and come across as too much. Tomorrow, my goal is to talk to every single person for at least 1 (one) whole real conversation. I might have to start using my good ol' tactic of sending people random youtube links and saying "what do you think of this" to get something going.... Honestly nothing starts a conversation like David Hasselhoff and his cinematic masterpieces that we call music videos. I hope the other tribe is full of problems so that when we eventually swap, I have a very easy time in this game.

LINDSAY

no recording tonight because i have a headache:( anyways i'm apparently not in as good of a position in the tribe as I was hoping. got left out of a six person group chat bc I was associated w Silver and people were nervous abt this vote w me. Jake luckily looped me in but I'm kind of bummed out people didn't trust me enough to let me in on this. I know it's probably just cuz Silver and I had been getting along alright the past two days but that means I'm in kind of a yucky position in the tribe that is starting to gear me up to a S6 type deal from survivor umich and I'm not fuckin' vibin. I'm gonna try to reach out (Nash appears to be ignoring me currently tho so lol) and try to fix that. I still want to work tight w Jones and Jake but I don't want them to be my only options. I need some more connections than that. ALSO WHEN SILVER DID THE THING MY HEART STOPPED LOL SO THAT MIGHT BE WHY IM BEING IGNORED also "you kept laughing at silver's jokes" was a comment someone leveled at me today and i couldn't find a good way to level and say i laugh at everything because that's how my brain is trained to react to everything. monkey brain cannot comprehend emotions so i laugh everything off. anyways i guess this is my clue i've got to step up. i mean, it's fine if i'm under the radar some because it's not merge yet so like it's fine, but i'm... worried. if nothing else we're even tho bc the galaghers got revealed as well as the six person alliance so we're all even here. bottom line is, i'm winning this fucking scavenger hunt this shit aint happening next week

JAKE

https://youtu.be/amXasrOidh0

y'all I'm still shaking from tonight tbh....

PENNINO

https://youtu.be/_26B1wn1pDw

JONES

https://youtu.be/7FngYQfYMB0

PETE

Nobody will want to vote me out if I have kittens and share pictures of them muahahahahahahahahahaha

JESSICA

Oh no, we lost! I hope that Shane and Daisy want to be a final 3 because that is what I am envisioning in my hopes, dreams, and mood board.

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mNEOfPVwOp-ltGoNTdEq59su-9Vl_Adm/view?usp=drivesdk

ETHAN

AHH TRIBAL IS SCARY MORE TO COME SOON BUT EVERYONE IS SO QUIET AND I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM THE TARGET BUT IF I AM I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT IS JUST WEIRDLY QUIET AND MY PARANOIA IS EATING ME ALIVEEE

DAISY

https://youtu.be/tBDHsLvF8W8

NICOLE

WE ARE IMMUNE!!! I’m so excited to have flipped the vote on Silver AND got us immunity but, I’m gonna have to be more careful if I’m gonna go far in this game. I know I can be strategic, I can be a comp threat but I really have to work on making myself a little dimmer in the social department. If we swap or merge obviously down the line, I feel like I’m gonna have a LOT of different potential paths to the end but, it won’t matter if they all realize that. So I really really have to be careful here. I am playing this game with a level head so far and really trying to make my rounds daily to talk to people. I am close with Jake, close with Jones and close with Nash. I am working on forming better bonds with Jabari, Lindsay and Jennet right now and honestly to me, Pennino is a non factor as well as Mikey but I am obviously going to try to maintain being on their good side. So that’s all I got for this round it’s been pretty tame except for Jennet immediately leaking our alliance by accident. At this point I really don’t think it matters.

MADISON

Okay so our tribe is not superhuman and we finally lost a challenge so we will be attending tribal tonight. Nobody is really saying much in terms of what will happen which is extremely worrisome, however, I did hear Sam on call very subtly throw Cloud out there and I'm kinda hoping that Jessica and Shane heard that too and will kind of run with it. Daisy wants both of us to be safe and I feel the same way so I'm hoping that's what will happen. In other news!!! I have officially begun the idol hunt one round too late but perhaps that works out better because if something is found, I'll know it. So because of the way things were worded during the hunt, the idol has either been found already or whoever wrote this system wanted to through a red herring in there to trick us. I'm going with the latter because I feel like Jarod would do that. That's all from this neck of the woods for now, hopefully will be writing another one of these bad bois next round :*

SAM

https://youtu.be/liGOEuFKiFo

JENNET

I WILL die for jones btw...

(a little later)

Survived the immunity challenge... at what cost

(after falling asleep on the beach)

The way we accidentally won that comp is literally a joke.... period i guess?

PETE

so we lost cus we’re the beauty tribe not the brains tribe fuck math dude anyways, it’s been hella fuckin quiet like not a lot of people are on and aren’t really talking. Up until about, 4 hours before tribal Sam comes to me and says the vote is gonna be Cloud and i’m like what who why. All he said is “that’s what he’s heard” honestly i think it’s just his own idea but whatever. I don’t know Cloud at all so it’s fine with me. Sam, myself, Jessica, and Shane apparently are all agreed to vote Cloud and with Ethan’s vote that’ll be 5.

CLOUD

i have nithing to say other than i might just be the stupidest person on the planet. absolutley nothing is happening in my head ever. if i stay its pure luck HSKSHSNSKBSKS

NASH

smiles at immunity... this is cute it feels good to not be in danger for once! i’m honestly still worried my tribe might want to cut me at next tribal but at least tonight can be chill! i hope kiki is first brookeisa boot xoxo

SAMMY

honestly there is no tea, daisy found an idol and gambles her vote but she lost her vote early so no worries w that! I love her so much and i hope she doesn’t snake me...but daisy if ur reading this, in this moment i love dont snake me mwah!! I love Jess and I love Cloud but everyone’s telling me Cloud is the vote but I’m so sad because I had such a good time with them and they are one of the few funny ones in the game!! Anyways not much is happening we lost the challenge cause we are just bad at math...blinks...I don’t think I’m in any danger and this vote should be unanimous. I was also told someone said I was one of the few active people so that’s a check in my book!

JAKE

https://youtu.be/HmtSAjyQoJI

I'm trying to lay low so if I'm not very present on Discord the next day or so that's why hehe

PETE

so ethan is down for voting Cloud, sammy too. Cool great awesome hot. i’m just sitting here vibing and suddenly Sammy tells me that my (and Madison’s) name came up for a second. He said it went away and it’s Cloud for the vote but like jskdhd why do i aaalways get targeted bitch i’m literally just sitting here whYY can’t i relax for once?! Frfr every survivor game it’s always this person or me. I’m always the other option and i just don’t get why lmao

LOVELIS

This tribes been kinda dead until like an hour ago plss, a new alliance of 5 has been organised and somehow me and Shane managed to make it seem like it was Jessica’s idea? Don’t really know how that happened in all honesty but a vibe. Then Daisy also leaked that she’s in another alliance who’s actively idol hunting so that was a lovely bit of beef that I love to see - my guess is she’s in a duo chat with Jess and they’ve tried to get this group formed with people who they think are unconnected, unbeknownst to them that me and Shane have a final two deal and I kinda have one with Sammy as well that happened on day one but it’s not really developed as of yet, he’s not really tried to talk game with me as of yet, but all in due time I suppose there’s plenty of time for more shenanigans 😂

MIKEY

HONESTLY Chile. Not much tea going around since this round we won. Im very proud of Nicole as she literally carried us and I pray she'll do it again dhbhsfg. Ive started getting really close with Jones and she's so fun to talk to, im hoping me her and nash can form a little trio and work together but who knows. Jennet STILL hasn't replied back after like a week so idk what's up w them LMAO

JABARI

So our tribe loved it when we blindsided silver, it puts me in a much better position than before. Now I have to talk more to people and take time to realize what's gonna happen. As of right now I have 2 alliances. The big majority one and the one where its just me and Jake and Jennet.

JENNET

exactly....

https://open.spotify.com/album/0pWu9s2gPdVgqHpMR2LDEx?si=uOqh6Ar9RiqNLUfaBZEkvw

TRIBAL COUNCIL

youtube

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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